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my son's father  posted: 07/01/12 at 7:01 PM
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my son's father only wants to visit him every other sat 9-5. After that time he doesn't call him. doesn't see him. nothing...approximately a year ago he took me to court for visitation...mind you i was never withholding visitation from him....but anyways after not seeing my son for 4 years the judge denied his request for an entire weekend n half of holidays...he was granted sat 9-5 as a weaning period...thereafter we would go bk to court n review the case. unfortunately, we haven't been back due to the court mixing up our dates constantly n i just can't bothered anymore cause i just feel he doesn't love my son..our son
its been nearly a year now n no matter how i ask him to take him more often he says no...i have contemplated going back to court n asking the court to force him to have visitation for a full weekend instead of every other sat 9-5....but on one hand, my son who is making 5 next months doesn't seem to want to go and because i feel him as a father has no love for our son, im torn on what to do....do i demand him to take him more often or because of his current behaviour do I just stick to every sat 9-5....i think its only right that he as well fulfills on his responsibility as a parent...i raised him for 4 years by myself...all he did was pay child support and even though now he's older and its much easier, i still think his father should visit him more...but i also think that if i have to force him to visit him more often, then whats the point really?
There's no issue of whether he is really his father cause we did a DNA test...i just dont know what to do ....it hurts me so badly that he is this way with our child.
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posted: 07/01/12 at 9:30 PM
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All you can do is be the best you can be for your son. I know it hurts that your son's father isn't stepping up, but there isn't anything you can do to control/change that.
Going to court and forcing your hand is not going to make things better, it's going to cause bitterness and resentment. If your son's father already doesn't realize (care about) the importance of his relationship with his son, he's not going to discover it with loads of bad feelings between you and him clouding the way.
I think you should do what you need to do to sleep well at night. Be the best mother that you can be - always. Be available when it comes to opportunities for your son to be with his dad.
There are plenty of kids that live with their fathers and don't have a grade A relationship with them. There are plenty of fathers (and mothers) that are not engaged with their children and they live in the same home. You can't change who this person is, it really has nothing to do with the fact that you two aren't together.
He will have to carry the load of regret in years to come when he doesn't have a close relationship with his son or worse. There is nothing you can do to change that, it's his choice. You can't control someone's choices. I know it hurts. All you can do is be the best you that you can be for your son. Wishing it wasn't so wont get you anywhere. Stay in the moment, live for yourself and do what you know is best for you.
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Love is not an emotion, it's a decision.
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posted: 07/02/12 at 6:51 AM
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I was the child in a situation close to this one. I was much older than your son when my parents got a divorce, but I barely saw my dad for the first 7 years of my life and our relationship was strained but had some good aspects when I was 7-12. When I was 12, they split, and my dad didn't ever think to fight my mom for visitation. We moved away, and although he promised he'd come too, he never did, and instead got married.
As much as I missed him, it hurt a lot to know that he didn't care enough to put forth effort to see me. It still does, at 22, but I have to say that it's easier to handle now, obviously. My mom, I know, is in no way responsible for any of this. She was always a great mother to me, always encouraged whatever relationship I wanted to have with my dad, and never complained when I wanted to see him even though I know it broke her heart because I would be so unhappy once I got there. The best you can do is be there for your son and try to encourage whatever relationship he wants with his father; you can't force it. If my mom made me go see my dad when I didn't want to, or didn't welcome me home early with open arms when visits deteriorated, then it would've taken a huge toll on our relationship. As it is, I know she did the best she could and let me figure it out on my own with him, helping along the way as I needed her. But.. it's not something you can force.
I really don't suggest dragging him to court over it, as no son wants to know that his father only visits him because a judge said he has to. If the father or the son try to reconnect, encourage them, but be there for your son and make sure he knows he can talk to you and can always come home to you if he's not comfortable in any way.
Good luck! I know it's hard, but it WILL work out. I turned out pretty well if I do say so myself, and I have mainly my mom to thank for that. 
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posted: 08/20/12 at 9:47 PM
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You have no control over bio-dad's character. If he doesn't want more time with his son, that's his loss. Yes, it's a loss to your son; it's heartbreaking. But your son has to figure out, even at this tender age, the kind of person his dad is, good or bad.
Is bio-dad up on child support? Make sure he is!
Are there good male influences in your son's life? His grandfather? A teacher? Someone at church? He'll need that. As much as you love him, you cannot give him what a good man in his life can.
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There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven
Ecclesiastes 3:1
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