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He calls me his girlfriend but we're only dating?  posted: 06/29/12 at 5:18 AM
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First off, thank you to everyone who reads this and gives me advice. Okay so here is my story:
I met this guy online because I posted an ad that I was new to the area and wanted friends.
We hit it off online because we have a lot in common.
We started off by going to meet each other for a night on the town. It went well and we decided to see each other again.
At first he would take a super long time to text me.. now he texts more frequently and he instant messages me whenever we are both online.
We have video chatted a couple of times and he is really nice. He is cool and I have fun with him, but he is not really assertive and that is a quality that really attracts me to a man. But like I said we have A LOT in common because we have the same lifestyle. I don't know that much about his past because we don't really talk about either of our pasts, except when we were drunk one night (see below).
We have kissed and made out a couple of times and one night when we were drunk we almost went all the way(I was VERY intoxicated and he was a little too).
I consider the s*x to not count because it didn't really work out if you know what I mean and he is NOT a good kisser at all. My friends think it might be because he is nervous and they told me to teach him or tell him to follow my lead (but I have never had this problem and I am not at that comfort level with him to be that brutally honest).
So, a couple days ago he was talking about a hypothetical situation he was talking about he referred to me in his story as his "girlfriend", I was caught off guard by this but didn't let it show and I didn't say anything about it. I, until that point did not think he thought we were exclusive and I don't see us as exclusive because we haven't talked about it and I have been open to seeing other people this whole time.
Then when I was talking to his friend, his friend referred to me as the guy's girlfriend, again I didn't say anything because frankly it is none of that guys business if he thinks I'm his friend's girlfriend.
I don't want to rush into a relationship because I know for myself that it would be a bad idea. I want to take it slow and see where things go with this guy because I don't know what I want from my relationship with him right now.
To me "girlfriend" means exclusive and I don't want him to think I am being exclusive with him when I am not.
Should I bring this up to him or could "girlfriend" just mean the girl he is going on dates with?
How do I tell him I don't want a serious relationship just yet without turning him off, because eventually I do want a committed relationship with someone, I'm just not sure right now if he and I are right/ready for that.?
How do I bring up the kissing thing when I am still mildly shy around him?
-please help!-
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-confused in love-
Last edited by whereishe2121 on 07/07/12 at 8:58 AM
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posted: 06/29/12 at 4:54 PM
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Sounds like he's just inexperienced.
People use bf and gf pretty loosely these days---it just usually means someone you're seeing regularly, and yes, it implies exclusivity. If you want to nip it in the bud, then you need to visit with him, not to complain about his calling you that, but to point out that you enjoy being with him and want to keep seeing him, but that you're not ready to be exclusive yet and will date other people from time to time.
As others said, guys like (and often NEED) to be told what to do to please you. After you've kissed a bit, say, hey, let's try this....do this with your lips or that with your tongue (you've not said what his kissing issues are). If he tries and it's better, tell him wow that was nice or that's the best kiss I've had in a long time, or whatever---positive reinforcement so that he'll repeat it.
Good luck!
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"My mother used to tell me, 'In this world, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant.' Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant." Ellwood P. Dowd in HARVEY
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