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When do you know you had a little too much of LYC? posted: 06/27/12 at 12:43 AM
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I am cleaning my kitchen, scrubbing counters and stove top when I realize I had just spent the last 20 minutes trying to figure out what's wrong with Baby07...lol, between you and I we know I should be spending this time trying to figure out my own romantic life...
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posted: 06/27/12 at 2:06 PM
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When you feel you are spending most of your free time looking over here. Its why I cut myself off before, I may slow it down quite a lot again. I have nothing else I can do at this moment as this occupies me from the stress of my break up. But I should be writing in my novel instead, I just cant concentrate enough right now to be creative.
At this point because Baby has been so resistant, I have considered the thought lately she is maybe a very convincing troll. But even trolls move on after a good laugh, so probably not.
Either way, I am more convinced day by day people just need to fall on their own. They have to be ready to take hard advice in order to use it. Before that..its just shooting in the wind. These boards are just for good suggestions, but you really cant help a person that wont help themselves. Oh well.
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When I am at work, its like I am Iron Man...I feel invincible when I don the armor of success....
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posted: 06/27/12 at 2:25 PM
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Sometimes I wonder if I had have a place to share what I was going through in my earlier years, like here, would I have stayed in my abusing marriage for so long. As a young wife and mother in her 20s, alone on some lost military base, not speaking English, I spent many nights awake wondering what to do, no one to talk to, too ashamed to tell my family my new husband was violent.
I know sometimes it feels like we're talking to a wall, and I know people feel that way in my threads as well, but I can assure you, although it may appear like it, things that are being said are not all lost in the wind.
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posted: 06/28/12 at 2:13 PM
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Anonymous advice can be helpful...it comes from a stance of some one completely unfamiliar maybe saying the same things you are thinking or what others have already told you, but were too close.
I think at times we come off as too harsh on this board though. Even I do. I always remember my Dad saying "advice is to be given, not forced." However most people do tend to force their opinion a little even if it seems like in one's best interest, it also comes off as arrogant. When people are personally involved, they can be a bit more forceful than some one who is more objective and has no strong involvement.
Like my Dad and I had this random disagreement about moving across the country. I said I rather do it myself because TMO takes FOREVER to ship your stuff. He says I shouldnt do that or that I needed a man to come with me. I was a bit insulted by the man thing, how do single mothers do it? How do single women do it? Maybe they don't have a father or a brother or a boyfriend or husband?
Well he ended up getting a bit frustrated at me because I asked him why I wasn't capable of doing it myself if that was my choice? He took my defiance as "Im going to move myself no matter what just to prove you wrong" when I was only asking for a REAL legitimate reason why I had to have a man there. His reasons were the truck is too big to drive (BS...its big to drive for anyone] and safety [Im sure if some one were to rob us, they would kill him and me any way. So what if I had another woman with me? or two? Would that equal one man?" lol]
Needless to say he hated the fact I questioned his suggestion because I thought it was sexist and then advice all of a sudden became forced. This is the same guy that told me that woman could do anything a man could do. LOL.
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When I am at work, its like I am Iron Man...I feel invincible when I don the armor of success....
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posted: 06/28/12 at 4:47 PM
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quote:
I think at times we come off as too harsh on this board though. Even I do. I always remember my Dad saying "advice is to be given, not forced." However most people do tend to force their opinion a little even if it seems like in one's best interest, it also comes off as arrogant. When people are personally involved, they can be a bit more forceful than some one who is more objective and has no strong involvement.
Ultimately, I think its the substance of the advice that one has to pay attention to rather than getting distracted by the nature of its delivery. One can write up the most insightful critique wrapped up in vulgar language or one can compose the finest piece of rhetoric with flowery words, in the end its up to the reader to analyze and comprehend which is more useful. If the intention of the advice giver is a noble one, then despite the tone of its delivery, there will at least be some substance behind his words.
In respect to coming of as forceful, considering the very essence of providing advice revolves around one's most personal beliefs and life's most intricate issues, I'm not surprised it usually comes of as such. In fact, I would be skeptical of someone who comes off as the "stoic sage" writing in a manner devoid of all emotional connotations, I would question if they understood the gravity of the situation. This is not true for every case of course but you get my point.
Anyways, the only reason I'm writing this is because what you're referring to is part of a larger phenomenon within our culture, something which I call the "postmodern" attitude and its something I've become quite annoyed with lately. An attitude which espouses everyone is equally correct(implying everything is relative) and to show a hint of passion behind what one believes to be right is somehow being arrogant and dogmatic, such a mentality de-politcizes our state of affairs and effectively shuts down meaningful philosophical discussion. One should note being emotional about something does not necessarily mean it blinds an individual from 'objectivity,' an emotional plead carries its own inner logic. Virgil for instance uses highly emotional language in the Aeneid but I'm sure most historians would agree his subtle criticisms of the Roman empire within the text were astute nonetheless. In sum, I think instead of taking everything so personally and thereby criticizing the intervention of our emotions within discourse, we should welcome such factors as a means of opening up the limits of dialogue and thus attaining a greater degree of collective insight.
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"A life with love will have many thorns, but a life without love will have no roses." - Friedrich Nietzsche
"I am persuaded that every time a man smiles - but much more so when he laughs - it adds something to this fragment of life."
- Laurence Sterne
"Wherever your life ends, it is all there. The advantage of living is not measured by length, but by use; some men have lived long, and lived little; attend to it while you are in it. It lies in your will, not in the number of years, for you to have lived enough."
- Michel de Montaigne
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