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Going through a divorce posted: 11/28/11 at 3:14 PM
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| I’m going to try to make my long story as short as possible. I met my husband 4 ½ years ago when he was in the Army. About a year after we dated he had to deploy. He deployed when we were just bf and gf. He came back and we picked up where we left off from. He told me he wanted to get engaged and move to the state his family lives in. I told him I couldn’t unless I was assured he wouldn’t deploy anymore and leave me because I never wanted to be that wife that sat around and waited for their husband come home all the time. So he got out of the Army because he wanted to be with me and bc he didn’t want to do the deployments anymore anyways. So he got out and we got engaged and moved to where his family lives. After a few months of moving to a new state he was having trouble finding a new job. He finally did for the Government doing the same line of work he did in the military. They told him when they offered him the job that he would deploy every 2 years for only 4 months. I told him that was fine because he needed a job and he will have 2 years to find another job. Well he starts the job and they deploy him….I planned the entire wedding by myself and he comes back 1 month before we get married and tells me he needs to deploy again in 3 months. Right then I knew I shouldn’t be getting married and called my mother and told her my feelings and she got upset and told me that hes a great guy and I should just go through with it. After the pressure of my mother I did it…and deep down inside I knew it wasn’t right. 2 months after we got married he left again. When he came back from that deployment he told me that he was leaving again in Jan for another deployment. I knew after that I should tell him. I did and it was a mutual agreement. He agrees that I shouldn’t be living this life in a state where I know NO ONE and sit around waiting for him all the time. He says it’s not fair to me and wants me happy again. I have nothing bad to say about this guy. He is a great guy. …But this wasn’t the plan or the lifestyle I ever wanted to live. My family just came into town and broke the news to them. They didn’t handle it well at all. They ended up leaving to go back home early and my dad said some really hurtful things to me. I told them to just give me space and time to let me figure my life out and that I didn’t want to hear from any of them until I am happy again because I don’t want to upset them. When they were visiting I found out from my sister my mom is a major alcoholic and they just went through a 3 year law suit and won and I had no idea about. So they are going through a lot themselves. I don’t know what to do. I feel I have lost my family my husband and everything. I am going to find a counselor to get help because I need it.
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posted: 11/28/11 at 5:48 PM
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From what you’ve written, you’ve handled things remarkable well and very responsibly.
You were led to believe something about your marriage; it turned out otherwise. I’m sorry you’re going to go through a divorce, but as you’ve said, you and your STBX are amicable.
I’ve never heard of a time when a bride went against her instinct to not marry and things turn out well. Your family shouldn’t have pressured you to go through with it.
Your families problems aren’t yours. Those issues don’t come into play with your life and your decisions. We can show compassion toward your family members, and we can live our own lives.
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There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven
Ecclesiastes 3:1
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posted: 12/06/11 at 2:39 AM
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I agree. I think you are doing very well, Unfortunately, family doesn't always agree with difficult decisions, but that doesn't mean you are wrong. Through the whole thing you have been clear of the life style you DON'T want, and that has been very honest of you. He could be a great guy, but still, alone most of the year is a hard life to lead.
As stated, their problems are not yours, you have to solve your needs, establish some goals, and go forward.
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