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Lovingyou.com > Love Advice & Tips > Ask A Male > He turned me down!
He turned me down! posted: 09/09/10 at 9:22 PM

Yostina  [more]
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Well, here's the happy ending of my story.

After we took space, we talked on msn for two times and it was a normal talk including college, routine... etc
After few days, I decided to give it a shot for the last time and talk things out with my ex bf. I wanted to explain how things went wrong, and that we still can fix it if we both wanted to work it together. I wanted to tell him that we can even start being just friends as we started before without even getting into the relationship thingy all the time, so maybe things would be back to normal by themselves or maybe we can just still be good friends in the end. I just wanted him to be in my life, didn't want things to be awkward between us since we are in the same major and sometimes same classes too, it would be so hard for me if we act weird whenever we bump into each other specially after all what we had, 'cause I've already been there last summer course and it was a huge mess to me and affected me negatively in so many ways!

Anyways, I texted him and invited him for coffee. I made it clear that we're going to have a friendly chat and it's not only about us, I needed to talk to someone that day. I was home alone, going through a terrible family issue and I actually have no friends to talk to, he was everything to me. I just wanted some advices or cheering up. I wanted to avoid any hard feelings between us and just learn to be there for each other. I was shocked when he turned me down. He said I told you that last time we met was the last and if I ever going to talk to you it would be only msn. I just couldn't believe how rude and cruel he was to me like he never cares! I was in a shock and even asked him what happened to you? why are you so changed and treating me this bad way? He said I'm tired and not in the mood to anything.

He asked me what's wrong, but I just couldn't talk to him about my issue, I ignored it. Then we had some usual talk, he said I don't wanna see you, and won't talk to you except on msn, and last thing was "I said it before and I won't repeat it" and simply left me while I was still talking to him on msn! I almost begged him, I even called him, but he never answered.

It has been 7 days now since what happened, we cut contact. I know I was desperate, and shouldn't call him or try to beg him. I know it all but I just couldn't feel the way I was behaving. I feel incredibly terrible now.

I don't understand how people change. I was always good to him, I cared about him in every way. How can't he at least be good to me? Is it too much to ask for?
It's like he doesn't wanna give reasons for his weird attitude, he doesn't wanna fix things, he says let's be friends and never acts as one, he chooses the way we contact and every time changes something in it, he's twisted. And whenever I say fine I'll go away and even change my number, he says no please don't, and would you give me your new number? even I wanted to cancel my summer course or change my classes in order not to meet him and move on, he refused it and said please don't!

A lot of weird stuff, he's definitely twisted! I can't even realize whether he loves me or not!!! Or it was a lie?
He hurt me so bad, sometimes I can't stop crying. He left me alone while he knew I needed someone, he humiliated me like I'm running after him, it seems like he totally forgot how he came to me for the first time begging me for a chance with him and didn't turn him down for once in my life instead I took a long time just to feel for him, 'cause I thought he deserves it! He acts as if I'm responsible for hat happened and throws the blame on me while he already told me so many times that I did nothing wrong and it's not my fault! This is so bad..

Now I won't contact him at all. I'm not sure he will either! It's hopeless. Anyways I just wanna know how should my attitude be next course? What if he contacted me after sometime or even later during the course?
Can it be that he feels regret with time? I don't know

I still have a lot of things to tell him, not to get back together, but to end things for good! I can't let those words in my heart or else I'll explode alone! I need to know how to act and when is the right time to talk my heart out...

Thanks a lot

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I'd rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason...~

Last edited by Yostina on 09/09/10 at 9:42 PM

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posted: 09/09/10 at 10:09 PM

TheStupid  [more]
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You should have told him your issues. Well it is time to move on and no need to wonder anymore.

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Divorce makes marriage meaningless.

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posted: 09/09/10 at 10:20 PM

Yostina  [more]
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How can I tell him my issues while he was acting so mean?
He didn't bother himself to be there for me, all what he said was what's wrong thinking that this way he showed some of his care.

I have to move on, but what if he contacted me at any time?
I feel I can't forgive him for the rest of my life!

And plus, what does it mean if someone who was crazy about you becomes all rude and mean? Sounds extremely weird to me.

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I'd rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason...~

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posted: 09/09/10 at 11:44 PM

TheStupid  [more]
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You don't have to forgive him; you only need to forget him. How can he contact you if you block his caller ID and flag his email as spam and delete him from your messenger?

Move on means move on. If he contact you, just ignore him meaning no replies.

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Divorce makes marriage meaningless.

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posted: 09/10/10 at 6:25 AM

TheStupid  [more]
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I really don't think you should hold any grudge against him. He told you how he felt about you back then but he doesn't feel it anymore. Things change and people change.

It certainly is the time to move on. I wouldn't hope that he will contact you even he does, does you really want to believe him? Personally I see him as not willing to work out issues in a seemingly committed relationship. That's not good for the relationship or for you.

So be happy it's now over and start to enjoy your single life.

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Divorce makes marriage meaningless.

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posted: 09/10/10 at 7:37 AM

Yostina  [more]
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True. It's just so hard for me to accept it, but I have to.

I don't want to hold any grudge against him, that's why I gave him too many chances to explain himself and waited for him enough to fix the atmosphere between us to remain at least good friends or just colleagues. But sometimes I feel I can't. I'm deeply hurt and still there's no sense in treating me this way at all. It doesn't seem to match to a good person who had good intentions in the first place. It was enough for him to be there for me when I was in need, to show some care. Then why did he mention being friends if that's not what friends are for? Why does he keep saying things until this very moment that he doesn't mean or can't even commit to? It's like he wants to keep me by his side the way he wants!

We were lovers and we had great times together. I would never treat him this way if I were in his shoes. Respect and reason are the least things he could have given to me. I would've understood if the situation is out of his hands, I wouldn't force someone to be with me! But instead, he kept on playing mind games and acted with a split personality. At night he misses me like crazy and wants me, while in the morning he's totally awkward and wants to break it off!

People change and things change it's true, but for a reason. It's not a game that you can join and quit anytime you feel like it. There's a big responsibility in here 'cause someone else's feelings are involved.

What I'm talking about here is the attitude that he have chosen to break things off with me, just makes me feel valueless and hurts my ego.

I just couldn't find reason from his side except that he's too weak to handle the situation once he felt it was getting more serious, and he can not admit it not to show his weak side.

I'm sorry I feel like talking my heart out to feel at least a lil bit better. =/

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I'd rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason...~

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posted: 09/10/10 at 11:56 PM
pondman  [more]
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How long did this relationship last? Why did this relationship end?

Not much details. Like to know the other side of the issue.

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posted: 09/11/10 at 12:17 AM

Yostina  [more]
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Here's the story from the beginning in this link:
http://members.lovingyou.com/showth...threadid=251732

Almost 9 months. The last few months included the breakup thingy and some usual fights because of it.

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I'd rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason...~

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posted: 09/14/10 at 11:32 AM

TheStupid  [more]
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I can only relate something that happened to me. When I was younger and less stupid, I had a similar break up and I am still heartbroken even now.

I wish back then, someone would told me that's not the end of the world, life would go on and I'd find someone later. It's not important to know why and how but it's important to know that it's really nothing to do with me - we were just incompatible.

Unfortunately, nobody told me that and I suffered quite bit and had quite some hard time to cope with the breakup.

This was the one thing that helped me out. You can call it stupidity or over-confidence but it helped me. You need to know that you are one unique human being. His leaving is only his loss, not yours. Maybe he's blinded to see the best of you or he's just too dumb to realize that but either way, the loss is his.

Do not in one bit doubt yourself!

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Divorce makes marriage meaningless.

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posted: 09/15/10 at 5:38 AM

Yostina  [more]
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You're definitely right.

Thanks TheStupid that was really encouraging and helpful to me. I've always had this self-confidence and I do believe it's still there but needs to be awaken once again. I probably have to work on that.

This breakup has affected me way too much and in every way, but I just can't let it keep on doing this to me. My feelings, my nerves, everything is just so damaged. I don't need all that in my life because I know I deserve the good in life just as everybody does.

You said it, the loss is his. I know I'm not perfect, but I'm confident that I've never done him wrong to the point of leaving me without any clue or reason, isn't love all about loving an imperfect person perfectly?

I hope one day he realizes it before it's too little too late.

Thanks again =)

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I'd rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason...~

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