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Lovingyou.com > Relationship Support > Multicultural Romance > Black Women, White Men
posted: 08/21/09 at 4:59 PM

neonkiss  [more]
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I just have to say this, no ethnic group doesn't come with faults. Black men have their issues. But hell, white men have issues as well.

If anyone here thinks that not dating black will be less drama than dating latino, white, Asian, African,etc...then you are just romantacizing and fantasizing about interracial relationships. And being very unrealistic.

If dating within your own race has issues, why in the hell people think that dating outside their race is going to be issue free and less problematic? It will not!

I am dating a white man and even though we are both American, around the same age of being born and growing up post-Civil Rights movements, where he is less prejudice than whites born way before the 70s...that does not mean that each race group still do not carry some for of racial biasness towards the other where it won't show up in the relationship.

I don't fix Soul Food since I grew up and traveled outside the United States. I grew up on ethnic food. He is shocked and disappointed that me as a black woman don't know how to fry chicken, nor do I fix greens and all of that. He grew up in the south, so he thinks that me as a black woman should know these things. I assume he wants me to fix him some fried chicken. Sorry, son, your behind is gonna get Hummus and cous-cous for dinner.

As a white man, sometimes, he gets a little bossy (like white men do, because they feel a sense of entitlement of being on top of the food chain as an ethnic group in this country) and he gets really confused when my black behind gets all in his face, like many black women do, and he can't handle that, because again, white men have an expectation, I don't care what you say, that when they want something to happen, everyone should just follow suit and cater to their needs, wants and desires.

Every ethnic group has an idea of how men and women should act and behave inside their ethnic culture. And every ethnic group has a biasness, prejudice concerning another ethnic group.

Please don't be silly to think that none of this won't come up in your relationship at all. It may not be major, but even the smallest issue is still an issue.

And it is so damn naive to hear black folks complain about black woman and black men relationship by thinking that their relationships with other people (ethnic groups) is going to be trouble free from problems and prejudices. It sure in the hell won't.

Seriously, I think a lot of black folks need to damn grow up when it comes to interracial dating. They probably won't because many of them are trying to run away from something. Most likely run away from themselves and their own self-prejudices and inner-racism that they harbor about their own ethnic group while trying to idolize another in romantic relationships.

If black men are "irresponsible" then white men are "bossy and domineering" as hell. And latino/African/Arab men have a lot of "machismo".

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posted: 09/17/09 at 12:02 AM

Sharp Lex  [more]
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I don't know why there would be more black men dating white women than the other way around... My ex girlfriend was black and I had a great time with her. We are still friends.

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posted: 09/18/09 at 9:20 AM

happybeingme  [more]
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I think this is changing quickly and more BW are dating interracially. Youtube and BW empowerment bloggers are highlighting this shift and encouraging BW to pursue top quality men and expand their dating options to include men of all ethnic backgrounds. The message appears to be catching on as every time I log onto one of these sites I see plenty of pictures videos, etc of BW in happy relationships with non-black men. I got the memo ages ago and have always sought quality men regardless of race. My partner of just over a year happens to be a WM, things are going really well because he's a man of high quality and that has nothing to do with his race.

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posted: 09/21/09 at 4:00 PM

Onlyme025  [more]
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I am a black female and I get asked out and hit on by many different nationalities. I always get white guys more then any other race who want to date me. A lot of my long term relationships have been with white men. I think it depends on where someone lives. I live in California and there are many black women who are with white, Latino, asian men. I am currently with a Latino guy, And being with him is new for me (actually for both of us). He is out of my comfort zone but I gave him a chance And i'm glad that I did.

I can only comment on where I'm from and what I see. I notice that White men are going for black women and they are succeeding. So to Dylan just be yourself and I'm sure you will find what you are looking for.

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posted: 02/16/10 at 12:31 AM
nmpfm28  [more]
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Actually the only interracial marriage permitted by the supreme court is Loving vs. Virginia (A BW/WM). BW/WM has been permitted since slavery so is it a taboo? Not really. As far as BM/WW, well, American Media doesn't really like to see Black Men happy with anyone. So, ultimately, BW/WW is still much more taboo. But, I suppose there are things a bit more taboo than that. BW/WW or BM/WM and so on. As far as "acting black" that is nothing more than a racial/cultural stereotype. And I really hope a BW doesn't date a person with such backwards views as you.

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posted: 02/20/10 at 6:19 AM

Lemon Pie  [more]
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quote:
Originally posted by neonkiss


So if you think by going hispanic and white you are escaping the hip hop culture you despise....you got a rude awakening. And hispanics love hip hop and so do white folks too.



Why do you generalize? Easier huh. IN Latin America, hip hop is actually more the exception than the norm. "White culture," whatever that means, still dominates every aspect of culture and life. I usually try to say things not as harshly but I hate this idea of putting people in boxes. Hip Hop is not my MAIN cup of tea per se but not all of it is bad. Sooo I don't love it but I have an appreciation for it and those that choose to listen to it. I will listen to anything with powerful, consciencious lyrics. Or just nice instrumentation. Tri-hop is one cool genre that derived from hip hop and actually my favorite form.

----------
Woah Woah Woah WOAH


You sit there in your heartache
Waiting on some beautiful boy to
To save you from your old ways
You play forgiveness
Watch it now
Here he comes

He doesnt look a thing like Jesus
But he talks like a gentleman
Like you imagined
When you were young --The Killers

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posted: 03/03/10 at 7:29 AM

missluvsalot  [more]
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Long Sigh. Forgive me that I didn't read all of the responses and this isn't directed at anyone specifically, but I feel I must respond.

As a black american woman I'm sincerely offended by the "assumptions" and stereotypes that are being thrown around in this thread regarding multi-racial relationships as they relate to the black woman. It's the same old song and dance.

All I'm going to share as a black woman who has for the most part dated white men (including 2 marriages) my entire adult life, you have no idea what you're talking about unless you actually are #1, a white man or #2, a black woman who has been in a successful, long-term relationship with each other respectively.

As with most multi-racial/national/cultural relationships I think attraction has to do with many factors. For the most part it is based on regional and environmental affiliation, class, education level, exposure etc. And some of (the attraction) cannot be described, it just is. If you've actually been in an IR relationship you know that love sees no color. You generally relate to one another as individuals and share common interests, mores, values, mutual goals, just like any other relationship. The other side bars described here...re: attitude, who's in control in a relationship, who's attracted in general are again, merely stereotypes in my opinion. People are individuals first and foremost, that includes everyone who is walking on the planet. I happen to have lived both abroad and in the US. Primarily Italy & England and some parts of Asia. Particularly in Europe I noticed dark skinned women are in high demand for who they are as individuals and for their beauty. The same goes for any other woman for that matter. European men seem to have a special way of not getting hung up on that sort of thing...they seem to simply appreciate and respect women in general. Asian men also like black women. If you get out in the world, you will see things and this is moreso directed at any black woman reading this who is interested in dating white men or any other man, they are out there. Don't believe the hype. There are of course, sour grapes in any batch, but for the most part this is what I noticed. I *am* seeing a large increase in the numbers of white men dating & marrying black women in the US now; primarily in urban cities. I know of many black women, personally & acquaintances, who are dating men outside of their race & nationality....including white, asian, latin, east indian, etc.

In answer to the original question ------> Yes, absolutey. Black women are attracted to white men and white men are attracted to black women. Period. I know I am. And guess what? We are highly aware of one another, despite what some people are thinking and believing. Just google. You will find much information...dating sites, blogs, intellectual thought, community, photos. Black women have many choices, just like any other woman when it comes to entering into a healthy, grounded relationship space (of her choice!) We are gorgeous and we know it, despite what mainstream society in the united states of america is still stuck on. It's not only about skin deep beauty, we also have many other wonderful qualities and goals. It is time for the general stereotypes to cease (for all people). All black women don't fit into a little square box, and neither does anyone else. All cultures have positives and negatives. And with this line of reasoning, I respect everyone equally. I love to get to know (people) and if they are different than me, all the better! It makes my life more interesting and helps me to grow and self-actualize....not take things too seriously. Maybe black female/white male relationships are not prevalent in your world/circle, but the world is changing and I see us (bw/wm) couples everywhere, everytime I walk out the door. It is 2010. Time to wake up to reality.

I think this thread should be reserved for people who actually can answer the question based on experience, just my opinion.

Have a nice day.

Peace!

Last edited by missluvsalot on 03/03/10 at 8:12 AM

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posted: 03/18/10 at 1:40 PM

Seductive Arts  [more]
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quote:
Originally posted by missluvsalot
Long Sigh. Forgive me that I didn't read all of the responses and this isn't directed at anyone specifically, but I feel I must respond.

As a black american woman I'm sincerely offended by the "assumptions" and stereotypes that are being thrown around in this thread regarding multi-racial relationships as they relate to the black woman. It's the same old song and dance.

All I'm going to share as a black woman who has for the most part dated white men (including 2 marriages) my entire adult life, you have no idea what you're talking about unless you actually are #1, a white man or #2, a black woman who has been in a successful, long-term relationship with each other respectively.

As with most multi-racial/national/cultural relationships I think attraction has to do with many factors. For the most part it is based on regional and environmental affiliation, class, education level, exposure etc. And some of (the attraction) cannot be described, it just is. If you've actually been in an IR relationship you know that love sees no color. You generally relate to one another as individuals and share common interests, mores, values, mutual goals, just like any other relationship. The other side bars described here...re: attitude, who's in control in a relationship, who's attracted in general are again, merely stereotypes in my opinion. People are individuals first and foremost, that includes everyone who is walking on the planet. I happen to have lived both abroad and in the US. Primarily Italy & England and some parts of Asia. Particularly in Europe I noticed dark skinned women are in high demand for who they are as individuals and for their beauty. The same goes for any other woman for that matter. European men seem to have a special way of not getting hung up on that sort of thing...they seem to simply appreciate and respect women in general. Asian men also like black women. If you get out in the world, you will see things and this is moreso directed at any black woman reading this who is interested in dating white men or any other man, they are out there. Don't believe the hype. There are of course, sour grapes in any batch, but for the most part this is what I noticed. I *am* seeing a large increase in the numbers of white men dating & marrying black women in the US now; primarily in urban cities. I know of many black women, personally & acquaintances, who are dating men outside of their race & nationality....including white, asian, latin, east indian, etc.

In answer to the original question ------> Yes, absolutey. Black women are attracted to white men and white men are attracted to black women. Period. I know I am. And guess what? We are highly aware of one another, despite what some people are thinking and believing. Just google. You will find much information...dating sites, blogs, intellectual thought, community, photos. Black women have many choices, just like any other woman when it comes to entering into a healthy, grounded relationship space (of her choice!) We are gorgeous and we know it, despite what mainstream society in the united states of america is still stuck on. It's not only about skin deep beauty, we also have many other wonderful qualities and goals. It is time for the general stereotypes to cease (for all people). All black women don't fit into a little square box, and neither does anyone else. All cultures have positives and negatives. And with this line of reasoning, I respect everyone equally. I love to get to know (people) and if they are different than me, all the better! It makes my life more interesting and helps me to grow and self-actualize....not take things too seriously. Maybe black female/white male relationships are not prevalent in your world/circle, but the world is changing and I see us (bw/wm) couples everywhere, everytime I walk out the door. It is 2010. Time to wake up to reality.

I think this thread should be reserved for people who actually can answer the question based on experience, just my opinion.

Have a nice day.

Peace!



Many people who have posted in this thread have stated that they were black and/or white. And they have dated interracially with a black or white person in the past. Maybe you don't believe so, because their experiences don't follow your views. Does not make their experiences or views invalid. Nor more than your views or experiences are invalid.

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posted: 03/22/10 at 5:13 AM

missluvsalot  [more]
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quote:
Originally posted by Seductive Arts


Many people who have posted in this thread have stated that they were black and/or white. And they have dated interracially with a black or white person in the past. Maybe you don't believe so, because their experiences don't follow your views. Does not make their experiences or views invalid. Nor more than your views or experiences are invalid.



Hi Seductive Arts,

You're taking what I said personally. If I may be so bold as to say this...I'm not supposed to have an opinion based on who I am. This is really just the energy again and I don't expect you to understand what I'm talking about. I see it clearly and am just saying hello to it.

I believe I understand what you want to convey to me, but I feel I must address where I'm coming from. As I mentioned in my comments above, I was not directing them to anyone specifically. Merely saying hello to the energy of doubt and assumptions and a focus on physical attributes which I did pick up in the thread after reading a few of the responses. As I said above and to be fair, I did not read every single response. My intent was and still is the same......to simply answer the original poster's question which I feel I did (based on my experience).

What I say really has no bearing on how anyone responds going forward and I don't expect it to. We all have our opinions and life experiences and I respect that. I'm not looking for consensus approval here...that's not why I responded. I am only expressing my own viewpoint and anyone who reads it either will resonate with what I'm saying or they will not. And to your point, I apologize for my comment about people with experience in IR relationships of this nature only responding. That was out of line and I see that now. All opinions are valid. Thanks for pointing that out to me. Learning is always a good thing and we all learn from one another.

Thanks,
Missluvsalot

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posted: 04/29/10 at 7:27 AM

sorahp  [more]
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1. BM/WW marriages are more common, regardless of the education gap that exists between BW and BM.

2. Women in general are more selective (easily observed on dating sites or in this thread where a black woman will say she prefers a white man, but seldom we see the reverse.) In fact, typically, if a woman prefers a man out of her race and she is not white, that preference will be for white or "white-like." (Portrayals in the Media as what is successful and/or beautiful.)

3. Black men will seldom state a preference, though it may be exercised if there is one.

I see a whole complex interplay of issues that can affect BW/WM and BM/WW unions:
Understand that I am approaching this from the most sterile discussion possible, so some of it may seem offensive, but it is research I did on my own.
1. Portrayal of attractiveness in the media is not as frequent as WW.
2. Tendency for the black population to be fatter and thus less attractive (due to selective mating during slavery) [this excludes blacks who never hailed from slaves, as that gene pool seldom mixes with the pool that experienced slavery]
3. Tendency of the black population to underperform (this is typical of the group that hailed from slavery and that is because the desperation of slavery is passed down). I feel the women in this group make the best of the situation and self-educate and the males don't, so I think this creates the "education gap" that is observed. It's not really an education gap for the reason that these women get educated at a high school level or a community college AA or AD level and as such are only separated by 2-3 years from their male counterparts who end up in gangs and in jails, which takes away many more years, allowing black women to continue enlarging that gap.
4. Women tend to select mates who are "better" than themselves, in the sense of economics, intelligence, etc. Since many black men are in jail, black women don't have many choices but to compete in another race, which may not necessarily be attracted to black women due to the media or culture.
5. BM tend to shy away from the hair issue. I am told it costs the women, at times, $1000 a month. I am told some BW require their men to help in that expense. To correct this we need to promote that non-straight hair is also attractive when groomed in ways that present black hair as attractive. Either way, it's a negative for BW and a positive for all women with straight hair, since it creates BW want of hair like straight haired women.
6. Argument of body fat percentage (people that counted themselves fit). That is in order of more body fat by race it is A-W-B and by Gender F-M. Men tend to find women with a body fat percent about 6% higher than theirs attractive. BW would be in the range for some WM and all BM. WW would be in the range for some BM, all WM and some AM. AW would be in the range for WM and AM. BM are in the range for BW and WW, WM for WW and AW, AM for AW. This theory does lend some explanations as to the first thing I said in this post.

----------
Act and you shall have dinner. Think and you shall be dinner.

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