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Lovingyou.com > Love Advice & Tips > Ask A Male > Men cold hearted???
Men cold hearted??? posted: 10/27/09 at 3:45 AM

dollbabe  [more]
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Could some of the struggling issues women have with breakups is that men are "wired" differently and have that ability to just move on with no emotion?

It seems to me from not only my experience but with other friends, men can easily just leave and move on with out the mourning many women do. They don't seem to dwell on it and just like "whatever" and move on.

I know in my situation that my ex was a cold hearted man and really empty inside -- incapable of feeling love, that is why he might have been sad it ended but it didn't affect him like it affected me and we had years together.

Guys --- what are your thoughts?

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posted: 10/27/09 at 7:08 AM

ElsMan  [more]
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Overall, men tend to dwell less on relationships and their workings to begin with. So when a relationship ends, a typical man is going to spend less time analyzing what might have gone wrong, etc. I'm not suggesting that men don't analyze long-term relationships because I know that many do. It's just that a typical man does it less than a typical woman.

As for mourning, when men do mourn, they usually do it quietly, putting as little public face on it as possible. Men aren't supposed to mope over these things so they mostly keep it to themselves.

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posted: 10/27/09 at 2:27 PM
Baz  [more]
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Generally speaking I think that statement is true. Its mostly in the wiring as you said. There is no doubt a small percentage of men that wear their heart on their sleeve and by comparison I'm sure there is the odd woman out there who is cold hearted.

And I think also that what appears to be a lack of mourning on the man's part actually adds to the female's emotional state after a break-up. That exact question - How can he feel nothing when I'm feeling all this? He does, but unfortunately he feels he needs to bottle it up as to express it is seen as a sign of weakness by today's society. Its a sad world we live in (only my opinion).

In many ways men and women balance each other out, so in that respect it will be good when we have as many women as we do men as world leaders.

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posted: 10/28/09 at 6:16 AM

qhm  [more]
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Guys feel stuff too. It's just that they're hardwired to process their experiences and feelings internally. No, that doesn't mean that they keep things "bottled up." It means that they don't need to share their feelings to understand them. They work the stuff out on their own without burdening others with their feelings. And then, they move on.

For men, the problem arises when they can't resolve those feelings on their own. That's when they're ready to share those feelings with somebody else. But that's also when the other guys remind them to stop being a girl and get over it already. The other men seem to think of themselves more as a reality check than support group. Because they're hardwired to internalize their crap. And God forbid he should mention his feelings to a woman. As if she really wants to hear any of that.

That's when you know it's time to take your problems to a shrink.

On the other hand, it seems more like women analyze their feelings by committee. They talk about everything with each other. They empathize with each other's experiences. Then they seem to reach a consensus about what they experienced. And then everybody feels better.

Unfortunately, when you're surrounded by people with a similar negative experience and similar negative feelings, their perspective will be the same as yours. So the consensus will also be negative. Which then reinforces your negative feelings. Which, in turn, makes moving on very difficult. Because it's difficult to get a reality check when everybody is so busy empathizing. And when she mentions it to a man, he usually tells her to cowboy up and get over it.

That's when you know it's time to take your problems to a shrink.

When you say that internalizing their issues makes men "cold-hearted," you're not really saying you wish men expressed their feelings more. You're just hoping that men suffer as much as you do. It's a lot like saying that externalizing their issues makes women "whiny ass losers" because they never seem to get over anything.

The truth is that we're just hardwired differently.

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井の中の蛙大海を知らず。

Last edited by qhm on 10/30/09 at 9:25 AM

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