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Lovingyou.com > Love Advice & Tips > Love Advice > He refuses to admit that he likes me...
He refuses to admit that he likes me... posted: 08/14/09 at 1:27 PM
metee  [more]
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Ok so I've been dating a really really great guy for awhile now. Everything would be perfect if it weren't for the fact that he's so afraid to show his emotions that his words sometimes make it seem as though he doesn't like me! His actions completely belie his words though, because he always acts like he's completely into me. It sorts of throws me into a tailspin, with all my senses telling me 100% that he's into me and my ears saying the exact opposite. A few days ago, after we hadn't seen each other in awhile or spoken for like 2 days or so the paranoia got to me and I said that we should just be friends. His response was first shock then he said he didn't care what we were, dating, friends, it was all the same to him.

Before I could even begin to start trying to get over him two days after this, yesterday, he messages me. The conversation starts out jokey (we have a really weird, but identical, sense of humor. its part of why we click) before he comes out with this-

A (me): im getting my car by the first week of september!
D: Awesome
D: Does that mean we're going to date then?
A: you don't want to date me until i have my car?
D: Haha
D: It'd just make things easier on me
D: I like you, I really do
D: Despite my short text messages
D: I have a great time hanging out with you
D: You're hilarious, gorgeous, and intelligent
.....
D: Anyway, seriously though, I don't think I can just be friends with you.

So we keep talking and we start joking about how i was sleeping with other guys in our whole 2 day break up and he says whatever, i wouldn't care if you did....then goes on to ask if I was being serious 5 times.

I was pretty elated with this and we go out today and it was really nice, and I could really tell he was into me. Until out of nowhere we started talking about personality type and his type was X and he starts saying how because of that he's this and he's that until he says he wouldn't care if we never spoke again! He said his life would go on, it would hardly affect anything, and on and on until he finally admitted that it "might" suck. I don't know what nonsense he's speaking because not only did he last only last two days without me this time, in the first month of us going out I wasn't sure if I was ready to commit so I asked him for some space and said I would contact him when I was ready. He lasted 4 days before he started calling me again.

Most of me knows that he's just mouthing b.s. and he really does care, but his words are really making me paranoid. Beyond that I'm not a very expressive person either. By the time I'm ready to say a simple I like you its probably time to say I love you. Being with someone like him is just making this worse, I'm afraid that the two of us combined will move so slow as almost to go backwards! I think part of it has to do with he got married at 19 and divorces 11 months later so he might just be skittish of commitment or..something. I don't know. But its driving me crazy

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posted: 08/14/09 at 9:24 PM

~Carla~  [more]
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Some guys care. They really do, but they simply can't say "I love you."
If you find out why you will satisfy the worlds mystery.
I NEED to be told this and often.
My husband NOW knows the absence I'd had of affection. KNOWS how I need this display. KNOWS that I will NEVER be able to let him go.
AND his life before me was absent too.
We'll have a little disagreement and within 15-20 minutes either I or he will come back to say... "but I still love you," and the hurt is all gone.

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I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. - Marilyn Monroe

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posted: 08/15/09 at 2:37 AM
misty625  [more]
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I don't know what to tell you, other than, don't have serious conversations over text message, nor take any text message conversation seriously.

You say you've been dating for "awhile". Exactly how long?

It was a bit ridiculous of you to say you only wanted to be friends, just because you didn't talk for a coupla days. He was probably thrown off by your comment and made insecure, and then tried to cover himself by saying he didn't care one way or the other. I think this present misunderstanding is your fault.

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posted: 08/16/09 at 12:51 AM

funlvinsarah  [more]
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Ok I used to do things like this with people I liked at the age of like 18. I was really immature about it. Some people can't say what they feel to someone's face, I couldn't to my boyfriend for a long time so I would write him email's but would never make it into a joke sort of thing. If you are going to talk about it to him even online you will have to make sure that he know's your not joking and that you really want to know what is going on. You have a right to know if he actually likes you or is just messing about. By the sounds of it he does like you but your best off asking him out right. Once he starts joking about tell him straight that you don't want to joke about it until you have the truth out of him. It's the only way you will find out.

Loves and kisses x x

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The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree, but still hold hands!!

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posted: 08/16/09 at 12:58 AM

EternalBond  [more]
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I agree with misty. Also, don't say things you don't mean. He might be paranoid about making another commitment. You're not helping by sitting there and saying you want to be friends, when you know thats not true. Stop playing games and be honest with him. Also, don't have serious or semi-serious conversations through text. This is something that should be done in person. If you want to have a relationship with him, you need to be honest with him about how you feel. What I got from your first post, is that he does like you.

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