A collection of love, romance and relationships resources including advice, poetry, quotes, dedications, chat, horoscopes, romantic ideas, message boards, free love postcards and much more!!
What's New Today on LYC...
Monthly Romance Calendar
Forum Quick Links:   Forum Home   |   My Home Page   |   My Inbox   |   My Calendar   |   Find Members   |   FAQ   |   Terms  
Popular Forums:   LYC Chat   |   Love Advice   |   Sexually Speaking   |   Military Spouses   |   Online Romance   |   Ask A Male   |   LDR   |   Holidays  
Lovingyou.com > Love Advice & Tips > Life Advice > Manipulating Ex-wife
Need help dealing with an ex-wife.... Unhappy posted: 09/20/08 at 12:12 AM

Songbird78  [more]
IP: Logged
 Posts: 10
 Group: New Member 
 Joined: Sep 2008
 Status: OFFLINE
Make Buddy | PM User
I am 30 years old, divorced with no children. I have been dating a 40 year old man for over 4 months now. He is wonderful to me. I have NEVER been treated so good in my life. He is so considerate, loving, unselfish and I have no doubt that he loves me for who I am. He has two teenage daughters, one 13 and one 14, and I love them so much. They are wonderful, so respectful, loving, and kind. They act like they love me and he and his family say the girls are crazy about me!! Yay!!!
Unfortunately, there is also an ex-wife involved. My SO and his ex were separated for over 2 years and have been divorced for a year. She was unfaithful to him for over 12 years of their marriage, they were married 15 years. During their separation and even after their divorce she had been using the kids to manipulate him (trips, money, and saying the girls didn't wanna come to Daddy's without Mommy) even though she still has her 'boyfriends' on the side. Now, we are together. So, all the 'extras' have stopped for her and the girls are happy to come to Daddy's and spend the weekend with us (we don't live together).
BUT she still calls him often...mostly at work, while the kids aren't around, so she can argue and cry. She also threatens to take him back to court for more money even though the divorce has been a year ago and threatens keeping the girls from him, which is all BS cause they have joint custody. Basically, just something to keep him upset and worried about his kids.
Well, the girls are in a ton of sports and there are games all the time. I've been attending most of the games he goes to (he asked me to go with him of course). Well, she has started being really nice to him lately (she is always nice to my face...sometimes you can tell it is forced, but at least she tries) instead of b*tching all the time. The other night the ex called and asked him to pick up one of their girls from practice and take her home with him because her sister had a game that his eldest didn't wanna go....well, he was on his cell phone with me when he went to pick up his daughter and guess what? The ex was there with both girls and wanted a ride somewhere....I never said anything about it, but it bothered me. I know he couldn't just leave her there on the side walk and I know his girls were there with her and she uses that to get her way, but it bothers me how she continues to manipulate and use him. She gets a power trip from knowing she can still take advantage of him. He is the type of person who just wants to keep peace and he is easily taken advantage of. I guess it bothers me most that he allows her to take advantage of him, but am I out of line for feeling that way?
I have no children so I can't relate. I honestly don't know how I would handle the situation if I were in his shoes. I also have NEVER dated anyone with children or who has even been divorced so all of this is new to me.
I guess I just need some advice if there is anything I can do and if I should talk to him about how I feel or even if it would do any good. I love this man and I know he loves me and I don't want little things that don't mean anything to build up and cause us any problems.
Any advice would be appreciated

click to: respond to this topic

Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
posted: 09/21/08 at 12:52 PM

blondgrrl  [more]
IP: Logged
 Posts: 7126
 Group: Member 
 Joined: Feb 2008
 Status: OFFLINE
Make Buddy | PM User
Really, I think as an adult, he can decide where the line is and whether or not his ex is crossing it. I think that as long as you offer non-judgmental support, that will be enough to help him get through this tough time. I think that after a while, his ex will fade away. She'll find a boyfriend, or get involved with some other activity and forget about trying to torture her ex.

As for the girls, as they grow older, they'll rebel against her more and more, and she'll be able to get away with interfering less and less. They will see through her manipulations....as long as you are a positive, happy, loving role model for them, everything will be fine.

Sounds like you have a great relationship all around! Keep up the good work.

----------
“Seek out argument and disputation for their own sake; the grave will supply plenty of time for silence.”
-Christopher Hitchens

click to: respond to this topic

Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
posted: 09/25/08 at 1:21 AM
Grits102  [more]
IP: Logged
 Posts: 993
 Group: Member 
 Joined: Sep 2006
 Status: OFFLINE
Make Buddy | PM User
So what exactly are you upset about? Is this affecting you or your relationship? Are you jealous of the attention he gives his ex? Or are you just mad because he doesn't handle it the same way you would? All I see is that you are mad because he values "keeping the peace" (is that really such a bad thing?). Maybe he values keeping things civil for the kids' sake?

click to: respond to this topic

Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
posted: 09/25/08 at 1:30 AM

Valfaro  [more]
IP: Logged
 Posts: 1302
 Group: Member 
 Joined: Feb 2007
 Status: OFFLINE
Make Buddy | PM User
It's unfournate that he's been manipulated by her... However, she has his daughters.

This is the reality of the situation. Many parents do not want to lose their kids affection, or get into a situation when they must spend thousands on court costs and place their children in between a custody battle.

So he'll probably have to deal with her and her manipulation for another 5 years... until his kids are of legal age and no longer bound by the ruling of the courts.

It'll be up to you to decide if this is something you want to deal with... but do you really want to lose a good guy because he has baggae that is out of his control?

----------
Trust in God...but lock your car.

The bottom line is that you need to find your own happiness. Within yourself. Right now. In each moment. Stop expecting someone else to make you happy. And stop looking for excuses not to be happy. Just do it. Be happy. Right now. In each moment.

click to: respond to this topic

Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
posted: 09/25/08 at 1:32 AM

learning joe  [more]
IP: Logged
 Posts: 1521
 Group: Member 
 Joined: Mar 2007
 Status: OFFLINE
Make Buddy | PM User
Other than you letting it build up without saying anything, I'm not sure there is a big problem that needs solved. He is communticating to you everything that happens between them. Should he stop doing that? As long as they have kids (forever) they will have contact with one another. He may know the stuation well enough to realize that giving in to these minor demands from her is a better alternative than starting a battle that could complicate the more important issues.

You should talk to him. Think through what is really bothering you first. Also think about how much of it is realistic to expect to change.

click to: respond to this topic

Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse
posted: 09/26/08 at 4:12 AM

hotmomma2  [more]
IP: Logged
 Posts: 1793
 Group: Member 
 Joined: Sep 2008
 Status: OFFLINE
Make Buddy | PM User
Well you can either stay with him and support his decisions,and live with the drama, and always being 2nd best.. or you can moveon, and find someone who doesnt have kids or an ex wife.. becuz lucky for you, its still early in the relationship that you either can leave or you can stay and have to put up with this for the rest of your husbands life..becuz she and the kids will always come b4 you..and you have no say...

click to: respond to this topic

Options: Reply To Topic | Start New Topic | Edit Message | Quote Message | Report Abuse

 

Notice: Use this form ONLY if you are already a member! New users, register for free here!
Notice: This is our quick reply form, for all reply options such as smilies, HTML and more, click here!
Fast Reply:
Your User Name:    Want to register?
Your Password:    Forgotten your password?
Subject: (Optional)
Show Signature: include your profile signature.
 Notice: By submitting to this site, you agree to these terms of use.
Forum Options:
· Save this topic to my favorites (subscribed)!

· Email this topic to a friend!
Rate This Thread:

Back To: Lovingyou.com > Love Advice & Tips > Life Advice > Manipulating Ex-wife

 

LOVINGYOU.COM SITE MAP
LOVE:  Communication | Affairs | Dating | Getting Serious | Getting Married | Break Ups | Loving Yourself | Support Groups | Dear Love
ROMANCE:  Romance 101 | Ideas | Date Nights | Recipes for Two | Romantic Travel | Craft Ideas | Holidays & Celebrations
PASSION:  Lovemaking 101 | Passion Play | Loverotica | Ask Aphrodite | Pillow Talk
INSPIRATION:  Love Poetry | Love Letters | Love Quotes | Love Stories | Dedications | Printables | Lovescopes | eCards
   Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Contact Us | Writer's Guidelines | Suggestions

Lovingyou.com, Inc.SM All rights reserved.

Message board powered by vBulletin. Copyright ©2000, 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Limited.

SheKnows Lifestyles