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Lovingyou.com > Love Advice & Tips > Ask A Male > Reasons why guys hold back their feelings?
posted: 05/31/08 at 6:08 AM

learning joe  [more]
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quote:
Originally posted by VanillaShake
learning joe, I'm asking the question regardless of whether or not the girl has mentioned her feelings to the guy.

Actually you said...

quote:

What are the reasons why a guy would hold back his feelings for a girl when he knows that the girl is also interested?





quote:

This 50/50 crap really annoys me. Are men so scared these days that they can't go after a girl they want? I see women chase men all the time, and they end up getting dumped or rejected most of the time. .Do you also believe that guys should get manicures, wear make-up and get their eyebrows waxed too? Because I sure as heck don't.



Nope, don't think guys should go all "girlie." Don't know how that relates to what you asked.

Whoever does the chasing, guy or girl, getting dumped or rejected happens more often than when things work out.

I guess that answers my question in my other post. You don't like 50/50 when it comes to first getting together. You don't want any of the risk of getting dumped even though you know he is interested. If the guy has to approach you, you are in control.

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posted: 05/31/08 at 1:46 PM

VanillaShake  [more]
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Learning joe, you are the only one who responded that is trying to give me a hard time with this. I asked two simple questions. I'm in the "Ask a Male" forum which means I'm going to ask MEN why MEN do certain things, not why girls do certain things.

I mentioned the "girlie" stuff because it seems that many men are losing their edge in todays world. If men expect women to chase other men around, then what does that say about men?

It's one thing for a girl to show that she is interested, but it's another thing for her to go out of her way and ask the guy out on a date or whatever she wishes to do. Been there, done that so I know how it goes. I've faced rejection and have also rejected men. Do I still prefer that men chase women? Definitely. To me, it just shows more character. I like it when a man has guts and knows what he wants. What is so wrong about that?

Last edited by VanillaShake on 05/31/08 at 1:59 PM

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posted: 05/31/08 at 8:18 PM

learning joe  [more]
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Sorry. Seemed like you were giving me a hard time because you didn't like my first response.
You asked a question and I was just giving a different point of view. In some cases, a guy would think "If she likes me but is playing this game of making me chase her, she is not worth it." In that case, a girl may want to consider 50/50 a fair deal and meet in the middle instead of making a chase.

Didn't mean it personal against you.

Second question: Why would a guy deny it after expressing feelings?
Maybe he has a crush but knows, in reality, the girl wouldn't match as a partner.
Maybe he has other priorities, school or work for instance, and just doesn't want to get involved in a relationship.
Maybe the girl said or did something that changed his opinion of her.

Last edited by learning joe on 05/31/08 at 8:30 PM

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posted: 05/31/08 at 10:52 PM

VanillaShake  [more]
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Hey learning joe, I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have responded so harshly. Thank you for your responses.

quote:
In some cases, a guy would think "If she likes me but is playing this game of making me chase her, she is not worth it." In that case, a girl may want to consider 50/50 a fair deal and meet in the middle instead of making a chase.


You are right about that. It definitely makes it easier when they meet up 50/50.

quote:
Second question: Why would a guy deny it after expressing feelings?
Maybe he has a crush but knows, in reality, the girl wouldn't match as a partner.
Maybe he has other priorities, school or work for instance, and just doesn't want to get involved in a relationship.
Maybe the girl said or did something that changed his opinion of her.


Wow, the other responses were good, but you definitely opened my eyes with this one - probably because it made me think of one guy I liked in the past. I think he did what he did because of those reasons.

Thanks again learning joe. Your responses were very informative

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posted: 05/31/08 at 11:32 PM

rose252  [more]
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Hey Learning joe...
Does one or the other in the relationship have to be in control? I think when a relationship turns into that... is becomes a game. 50/50 is best... if there is to be future...

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posted: 05/31/08 at 11:54 PM

learning joe  [more]
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Rose.
No. A relationship does not have to be controled ny one or the other. Did not intend for either of my posts to give that impression.

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posted: 06/02/08 at 7:05 AM
jmitch  [more]
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You have met the wrong men. I for one do not hold back my feelings for a woman. If I care about her, I tell her so. Nothing wrong with that. BUT, most men, including myself, do not over do it. Continually telling your gf you love her is not good either. Most men are not into all the mushy stuff either, a woman should know by how her man acts and treats her if he really cares for her, you know "actions speak louder than words" thing, that's what most caring men do. Treating a woman with kindness and respect is how men tell them they care about them....

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posted: 06/02/08 at 9:43 AM

VanillaShake  [more]
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jmitch, thank you very much for your response I'm glad to know that you are one of those guys who doesn't hold back his feelings.

And you are right, actions do speak louder than words. Sometimes we (people in general) get so caught up with our emotions that we forget about how the other person is really treating us.

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posted: 06/02/08 at 8:06 PM

Miss Cinysta  [more]
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Also can't put all guys into one category/scenario/life stage. Different guys have different personalities, motivations and energy levels. So those with a very positive, dreamer-type attitudes will go gung ho and fall fast, whereas some that hold back are more cautious and realistic. This is what I've found anyway. There are guys and girls of both types. Hard to stereotype anybody these days.

I've always hated the dating game. Can't play hard to get and don't like being played either.

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posted: 08/22/08 at 1:36 PM
RobbyDog  [more]
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quote:
Originally posted by Grits102
Insecurity.
Uncertainty.
Inexperience in matters of the heart.
Shyness.
Fear of rejection.
Fear of embarrassment.
Fear of the unknown.
Fear.

That sums up me and my situation at the moment.

I got no idea how to bring it up to her that I like her.

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