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Lovingyou.com > Love Advice & Tips > Love Advice > He didn't even say goodbye.
He didn't even say goodbye. Unhappy posted: 03/18/08 at 11:05 AM
kookiKC  [more]
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Hello everybody! I joined not too long ago, but this is my first post.

Sorry if this is too long. But I really want your opinions and to get better results I need to be detailed as possible.

So yea, I've been having problems with this guy (let's call him Clark) who is a close friend of mines for almost 4 years. We never officially went out, but there is something there, something special between us. A mutual understanding perhaps? We admit to liking each other months ago, but it never really worked out since we live 100 miles apart.

Here's more background info:
He's 19, I'm 18. We met through a friend on the phone. So most of our friendship has been through our phone conversations. We only hung out in person twice.
I like how even though we don't see each other much, we are really really close and we know a lot about each other. We even consider each other close friends.
I hope this is making sense, basically even though we aren't around each other a lot, that's how it feels. We have a good friendship.

We met (on the phone) back in late 2004. The reason? He was gonna give me relationship/love advice. At the time, my boyfriend of almost 3 months cheated on me. I was crushed since it was my first boyfriend, and I was 14 at the time. Silly I know. But anyways he gave me great advice and back then I can tell we had this special connection between us. We got along very well and from then on he would always call me. If he couldn't get a hold of me, he would just leave a voice mail saying "Good night." He was very sweet.

Then in late 2005 I got my second boyfriend which ended up lasting almost 2 years. I remember when I told Clark about him, I could tell he sounded crushed/disappointed. But we still remained friends. The only problem was, that boyfriend of mines was the jealous/demanding type and told me to stop talking to him. I would fight with my boyfriend about that but he didn't want me to talk to him cause he said he can tell that Clark likes me. So my stupid self actually listened and started to ignore Clark's calls. Months passed without us talking, but sometimes I'll admit if Clark called I would answer it.

During the time I was with my boyfriend, Clark also got into some relationships, none of them would last long though.
We met for the first time in May/June 2007.
Then me and that demanding selfish boyfriend broke up in November 2007. And guess who was by my side (well through the phone) comforting me? Clark.

That's when he confessed that he's been liking me the whole time. He did admit to me that he was sad when I got a boyfriend. He admit that he always cared for me and all that. And that's when I realized that I felt the same way.
Later on, we got to spend a day together, just us two.
He drove 100 miles just to see me. And it was really great, it actually felt like he was my boyfriend. We even kissed.
He even said that he loves me, but as a close friend; someone he cares for a lot.

Then later on, we realized it was hard. We live far away, I just got out of a relationship, and we didn't want people to think that our feelings for each other were false. I personally think we could've worked it out, but I didn't want to force him, since he obviously wanted out. He did say that he knows there is something special between us and he feels it's just not the right time. We kind of had this understanding that someday will be our time.

After that, things were the same in a way. We would always talk on the phone. He even said he still liked me. The communication between us never stopped. Sometimes I asked him if we should just be friends for right now? And he never agreed, so I always have a feeling that even though we are far apart, he always has feelings for me.

The other reason why we couldn't have a relationship at the moment, is because he is joining the military. And he thinks it is best not to have a girlfriend at all when he is there. He left for boot camp this month and what made me sad is that he didn't even bother to say goodbye!
Like we usually talk on the phone every night (and we sleep on the phone together), and during his last few days he never called me. I called him twice but he never returned my calls. So I am pretty sad, he is gone right now and he didn't even bother to call me at all.
Our last conversation was pretty nice too, I asked if he could visit me before he leaves and he said he couldn't. I was cool about it, but I was sad and I think he could tell. But other than that it's not like I said anything that could make him mad. So why do you think he didn't call me? I really expected a call from him. I also texted him like 3 times but no reply either.

If you read all that, then yay. I hope it didn't bore you.
Any advice would be appreciated and I am open to any of your suggestions.

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posted: 03/18/08 at 12:05 PM
misty625  [more]
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I'm sorry you're hurting. I don't think there's much you can do. You two were not actually dating, and I'm sure his priorities in the time before he left were his family and preparing his life for such a big change. He may have wanted to distance himself, so he could focus his energy on his new life.

Be sad, have some good chocolate and a good cry. Tomorrow is another day.

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posted: 03/18/08 at 11:19 PM
WeepingMist  [more]
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Perhaps he felt saying goodbye would be too upsetting for you both and he couldn't face it? He'll probably contact you again when he's feeling up to it, don't worry. Keep your chin up.

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posted: 03/19/08 at 1:07 AM

pinky0ne  [more]
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Sounds like you guys have strong feelings for one another. Despite the distance between you guys, you've managed to keep your friendship strong for 4 years now. That's amazing!
The connection you guys share is not something that will just disappear. He will contact you again. I'm sure of it. And when he does, be sure to tell him how you feel.
As for why he didn't say bye... Sometimes it's easier to leave without saying goodbye. Saying goodbye to someone you care about is emotionally draining. He probably didn't want to upset you (and himself).
Don't worry, things will work out for the best in the end. Just stay optimistic!

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~pinky0ne~

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posted: 03/19/08 at 1:07 PM

princessjj05  [more]
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sounds like you have a good connection, if he is in the millitary when he has a chance between training marching, drills and what not, and if he truely values the relationship like you do Im sure he will write or call.

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Jen

The trouble with censors is that they worry if a girl has cleavage. They ought to worry if she hasn't any.

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