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Lovingyou.com > Relationship Support > Dating > Falling for your best friend's boyfriend... and he seems to reciprocate...
Falling for your best friend's boyfriend... and he seems to reciprocate... posted: 07/10/06 at 11:32 PM

xblindmouse  [more]
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It's pretty much a love triangle situation here. I've just recently started liking my guy friend who I've known so I was five and he was six. We've never really been close until recently, and we remained friends.

However, I found myself starting to like him and I've also noticed some quite disturbing signals that he's been throwing my way which makes me think that maybe he reciprocates. Such as: always staring at me, holding and hugging me, stroking my thigh, always asking me to call him, having his arm around my waist and he seems to notice when I flirt with other guys, even though not even my bestest friend notices. He also puts down the guys that I fancy and tries to give me reasons not to like them. Oh, and he locked himself in the bathroom with me .

If this was a normal situation, I would have jumped him long ago because of how well we both get on with each other. However, there's one little problem with that.

He's going out with my nympho friend. The thing is, they don't really talk to each other. All they do is make out, etc... I'm not gonna go into details. There's also the fact that my friend also seems to be flirting with other guys, and she told me once that she's planning to sleep with her ex-boyfriend because her current one (the guy I'm falling for) isn't too good at satisfying her.

If I wasn't friends with the little nympho, I would have warned him away from her, but I'm far too loyal to my friend; despite the fact that she made my boyfriend cheat on me, on the same night we finally got together.

I have a feeling that I'm going to get a lot of disapproving replies, but I just wanted some people's opinions. And sorry about the long essay

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posted: 07/16/06 at 2:54 PM

Millennium21  [more]
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I've seen this scenerio before, i always tend to like say to people " do what you think is right". In your case i would of like jumped out of the equation entirely and look at it from a 3rd party view, and then decide what you want e.g. Relationship, friendship etc. Then make the changes. Dont go into the middle and say " oh i want you ????? i like you alot etc. Doesnt work when other parties are close to you relationship wise because its possible that it could result badly.

Good Luck

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"Expect The Unexpected"
" Take Responsability for your own actions"

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posted: 07/16/06 at 3:51 PM
kaus  [more]
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This is pretty dangerous territory..
I agree with Millennium - you have to try and look at the situation from a detached point of view.
This girl is your friend. And, although her relationship with him may not be working, they are still together and it would hurt her a lot if you went behind her back with her boyfriend. Rather than getting involved with him straight off, maybe you should talk to her about it. Don't say anything about your feelings for him. Instead, ask her how she feels and whether she is happy with him. If she's planning to sleep with her ex, tell her how unfair it would be on her current boyfriend if she betrayed him like that.
Although it sounds as though her boyfriend does have feelings for you, you can't be completely sure until he's actually admitted it. You have to figure out whether it would be worth the risk, if they were to split up, only for you to find that there was never anything there.
You sound as though you're trying to keep everyone happy here. This is always the worst situation to be involved in, because someone is going to be unhappy no matter what you decide. It's your choice. You can either choose to be with him, and possibly hurt and lose your friend. Or you can choose to let him go, and allow their relationship to continue, or end with time. This option will be tough for you, because you have feelings for him. You also need to decide what you're going to do IF they do break up in the future. Would you be able to date him knowing that he's your "friend's ex", which could potentially hurt your friend?
As Millennium said, you have to do what you think is right.
Good Luck

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posted: 07/16/06 at 8:52 PM

xblindmouse  [more]
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Ha, well... I decided to be a friend to her and just remain friends with him. He seems to have got the message that I'm not going to do anything with him while he's dating my friend. Thankfully, I found another guy who seems to like me too and there's no real problem apart from the other girl he used to like. But thanks for the advice.

Last edited by xblindmouse on 07/16/06 at 9:51 PM

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