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Lovingyou.com > Long Distance Support > Long Distance Relationships > I kissed someone else
I kissed someone else Unhappy posted: 03/10/06 at 5:18 PM

Kieralinn  [more]
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Tonight I met this guy at the place I work. I was there on my night off. We talked all night and we left together to continue talking. He ended up kissing me. I didn't stop him...now I feel so guilty..but yet...not as guilty as I should. I just left him about 1/2 hour ago and ......should I tell my SO about this or not?

I have just been feeling so neglected and pushed aside and taken for granted and then I met this guy who was totally into me and was sweet and nice and we got along great....but I do love my BF...I do so much. I might be driving down to see him tomorrow if he is back from his work trip, if not he is planning to be here next week....I don't know what to do. This guy here wants to see me tomorrow..I have to work. He also asked if he could come see me next week also. Ironically he is a firefighter near Chicago and wants to see me more...my SO is a cop from Detroit........

I love my SO more than anything but as you all know...he has not been the most attentive BF recently...as I mentioned earlier...but I do still love him...I am not saying I want something with this other guy but it was so nice to feel wanted again. The last thing my SO said to me today was "I love you"..and yes he has called me everyday....I don't know what to do. I feel guilty but I feel even worse for NOT feeling worse. If that makes any sense.

Should I tell Mike about this? What happened..though nothing really did happen..we talked and he kissed me..that's all...I don't know what to do..

HELP!

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posted: 03/10/06 at 9:11 PM
ag203  [more]
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Last edited by ag203 on 05/16/06 at 6:14 AM

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posted: 03/11/06 at 12:04 AM

Kieralinn  [more]
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I have decided not to tell him. Nothing really happened and it would just hurt him to know. But it is obvious I need to have a really good talk with him....not on the phone but in person about how I have been feeling.

Thanks for the advice.

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posted: 03/11/06 at 2:14 AM

czechcat  [more]
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I wouldn't tell him either~it would just fan the flames, so to speak.

Good luck when you talk with Mike, hope things go well for you!

----------
Wherever you go, whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you...

Cause I miss you body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away...

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posted: 03/11/06 at 2:37 AM

PinkPuppy  [more]
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I wouldn't tell him either if I were you.

Lesson learned from my last relationship when one of the guys kissed me, i told my ex and all hell broke loose. I mean we got passed it but it was never the same again. It's not like i've kissed the guy, you know. He just leaned in and pecked me, not like we were making out or something.

but anyhoo, yeah, don't tell him because guys have the visual thing where he will have the image of you kissing the guy...and he won't be able to let go of it. That will ruin your relationship and end it right there.

good luck talking to Mike. Hope you guys work things out and be more closer to each other.

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posted: 03/11/06 at 8:24 AM

babygirl79  [more]
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I am sorry, but I can't believe you wouldn't tell him. With a long distance relationship, communication takes a big part of it, and my SO and I always promissed to be completely honest with each other. I wouldn't be able to keep something like that a secret and I know if he kissed another girl I would DEFINATELY want him to tell me about it!!! Of course he is going to be upset but if it is meant to be the two of you will work it out with lots of communication and honesty. Good luck, I hope it works out for you!!

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posted: 03/11/06 at 10:32 AM

cinderella05  [more]
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I think your just vulnerable right now, you want attention. ofcourse we all deserve to get attention and not be neglected. things have been so hard for you these past few weeks, dont let another guy come in the picture. I think you should tell this guy your in a relatioship. did you tell him? did he ask?

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Chanda

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posted: 03/11/06 at 1:02 PM

Kieralinn  [more]
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yes..I did tell him. I actually talked quite a bit about my guy.

Anyway..he came into my work again but I pretty much just blew him off...and then Mike called we talked for a bit, so I am sure the other guy knows he has no chance.

Speaking of which...I am obviously not going down to see him tonight. He is not coming back until tomorrow and has to work 11pm to 7am instead of his normal 3pm to 11 shift. he asked me to come down next weekend and he would give me money for the trip as soon as I get there. He also wants to come up this Wednesday and Thursday. He has to check the schedule because he has been out of town and things had to be changed since it was a last minute trip.

He goes, "I love you" I scoffed a bit and said "Yeah right.' He just went "What? I do!"

As soon as we are together we need to have a talk. I need to talk and he needs to really listen to what I am saying about how I have been feeling. I know guys can be dense...but he...well..I'll quit beating a dead horse now..LOL

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posted: 03/11/06 at 4:05 PM

sweetex  [more]
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I've also been following your story Kierralin.... and I really hope you can work things out... alhtouhg you've been talking to him very often about your feelings, maybe a good face to face talk can change things. Everybody needs to be happy in a relationship, and if you're not, you shouldn't be in it.

*Crossing Fingers* that it goes well for you

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The battle of the sexes will never be won because too many of us are sleeping with the enemy :P

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posted: 03/12/06 at 9:13 AM

lovinghelp  [more]
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Hi Kieralinn,

I do more than agree with the ag203 and sweetex when they say:

quote:
Originally posted by ag203

I would definitely talk to the SO. .. About feeling pushed aside and taken for granted. He might just be so busy with work that he hasn't meant to neglect you and thinks when he is with you that that attention is enough to keep you both going while you are apart.
I know long distance or separations are really tough and there will always be temptation but the waiting can be worth it if you stick in there.



quote:
Originally posted by sweetex
.. alhtouhg you've been talking to him very often about your feelings, maybe a good face to face talk can change things. Everybody needs to be happy in a relationship, and if you're not, you shouldn't be in it.



Well Kieralinn, what I am about to share with you, I already did in another post, but maybe you didn't had the chance to read it, so I will post it again here:

Dr. Gregory Guldner is the leading authority on long
distance relationships and the author of the most
comprehensive study of long distance relationships ever
completed, "Long Distance Relationships: The Complete
Guide".
He is is a graduate of Stanford Medical School and Purdue University's Clinical Psychology Program and he combines his scientific expertise,interviews with hundreds of couples in long distance relationships and his own personal experience into this comprehensive book.

Dr. Gregory Guldner made 2 studies, and here are his
results:

6-month longitudinal study:

- 30% of couples who dated others broke up
- 27% of couples who did not broke up
- 70% of couples who did not discuss this issue broke up.

Cross sectional study:

- 15% of those who dated others survived LDR
- 48% of those who didn't survived LDR

Humm, to much scientific! you will say.
Ok, let me explain to you the meaning of those numbers:

In the first study: the 6-month longitudinal study we can see that:

The Long Distance Relationship couples that dated others, in a period of 6 months, 30% of them broke up.

In the Long Distance Relationship couples that did not datedothers, in a period of 6 months, 27% of them broke up.

And notice this, 70% of couples who did not discuss this issue broke up!

In the second study: "Cross sectional study", the
relationships that at one point were long distance (like the one you and me are living now), but that now are reunited (the thing you and me want more) as planned, we can see that:

Only 15% of those who dated others survived LDR and 48% of those who didn't survived LDR.

The conclusion we can take is that for "kind of" short
periods of time, like six months, it doesn't make to much
difference for the success of the Long Distance
Relationship, to date others.
What makes the difference here is not being clear and honest with the Long Distance Partner, 70% of couples who did not discuss this issue broke up!

Now, for long periods of time, dating others is very very
danger for the success of your Long Distance Relationship!
Only 15% survived LDR!


Now about my own experience?
Do you think that because I am in a Long Distance
Relationship I don't feel sexually attracted by others? Of
course I do!

But do I consider the idea of me dating others while I am in my Long Distance Relationships?

No, no, no.

Let me tell you something. At my job there is a man,that I don't know to explain this, but between me and him there is such a strong sexual chemistry.

And believe me, between me and my Long Distance Partner, there is also a strong sexual chemistry, but I think if I made sex with that man from my job, I guess I would be something even stronger than I have with my Long Distance Partner.

But do you think that will ever make sex with that man from my job?

Never!

First I really love with all my heart my Long Distance
Partner, he is without any doubt the "true love" of my life.

I know Kieralinn, that you only talk and kiss other, but that can be the begining of something more serious.

I know that you more than need attention, and if this new guy gives you the attention you need (and he probably will, because you told him your story, and if he is "smart" he will know very well how to "catch" you!!!), very soon you will be involved with him, more than you want.

I am not saying that this is good or bad, all I am trying to say is that we all need to have the sense of belonging, is one of our core needs!

----------
And if I can be of any more help to you, please let me know!

Don't Measure The Distance, Measure The Love, Maria Madeira
http://www.distancelovinghelp.com

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