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Lovingyou.com > Love Advice & Tips > Ask A Male > Why do men stop communicating
Why do men stop communicating Unhappy posted: 01/25/06 at 4:07 AM
wteva2u  [more]
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Can someone please help me understand why guys stop communicating with telling the other person what happened? Do they do this because they are afraid to get close?

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posted: 01/25/06 at 4:24 AM

czechcat  [more]
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I'm not a guy and I wish I had the answer too.

My ex did this to me and I'm left with lots of unanswered questions, anger, pain, etc.
I can add all the bits up and guess, but they are only guesses.

My conclusion is that he quit talking to me because he's too much of a coward to face up to breaking my heart, to take responsibility for admitting that he was being dishonest with me our whole relationship, and is too weak to admit that he's a selfish, cheating jerk. He didn't even have the decency to call and say "Look. It's not going to work out. You'll have to move on. I loved what we had, but it's just not for me." Nothing.

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Wherever you go, whatever you do
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Cause I miss you body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away...

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posted: 01/25/06 at 4:29 AM

Sassy1863  [more]
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Not a male either, LOL, but I agree. They are cowards when it comes to emotions.

On one hand, they don't want to "hurt you" with the truth; and on the other hand, they can't even admit the truth to themselves. It isn't always that they don't want to admit it either, sometimes they just can't figure it out either.

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posted: 01/25/06 at 4:32 AM
wteva2u  [more]
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You know what is funny, is that my guy told me not to hurt him, and that is what he is doing to me.
Thanks I do appreciate it!

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posted: 01/25/06 at 4:44 AM

czechcat  [more]
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Oh yeah~the can't-handle-pain line! One of the biggest ones!

My ex told me he "really handled rejection badly" *rolls eyes* Well, wouldn't you think he'd get a clue that other people might also be hurt by it too?! Apparently not!

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Wherever you go, whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you...

Cause I miss you body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away...

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posted: 01/25/06 at 5:26 AM
BC_Boy  [more]
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It has nothing to do with not sharing your emotions or anything like that. It's about how you deal with a situation. You ever read that book women are from Venus and men are from Mars? I haven't read it but I know the general messaage is men and women think differently. For us guys if something is bothering us we'll keep queit because we are working through the situation, we're sorting everything out in our head.

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posted: 01/25/06 at 5:30 AM

Another_Guy  [more]
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If the ladies don't mind some male input in this forum:

1. Past discussions/disagreements haven't come to resolution so it seems pointless to argue/discuss at all. One or both partners could be responsible for the lack of satisfactory resolution but a common male response is to withdraw from discussion completely.

2. Behavior is modeled on his father's approach when he was growing up. Withdrawal and silence seems the appropriate male approach, as a result.

In either case, the couple has to work on the problem-solving and issue resolution skills. Counseling might be a good idea since attempts at self-help might run into the same brick wall.

The apparent female conclusion above that "it is all his fault" isn't going to be a winning approach. If you're going to go in with that mindset, then you might not want to bother even trying.

Last edited by Another_Guy on 01/25/06 at 5:36 AM

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posted: 01/25/06 at 5:53 AM

Katie S.  [more]
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quote:
Originally posted by BC_Boy
It has nothing to do with not sharing your emotions or anything like that. It's about how you deal with a situation. You ever read that book women are from Venus and men are from Mars? I haven't read it but I know the general messaage is men and women think differently. For us guys if something is bothering us we'll keep queit because we are working through the situation, we're sorting everything out in our head.


As a female...in all fairness to guys....I would agree with this and also what Another Guy says. Men are socialized differently then women and so that is how they learn to respond...the stoic approach to dealing with emotions, relationships, etc.

The problem in a relationship is that sorting everything out in one's head...does not include the other person, so the person is only sorting it out in their head...the other person is in the dark. This creates misunderstanding and heartache in relationships.

Although it may not seem fair, it seems that the burden of opening up the channels of communication often falls on the female because she is usually much more experienced at "bonding" and discussing emotional issues. If she can do it in a non-threatening way, she needs to guide a man through emotional in a relationship. The problem is when we women expect men to feel the same way we do, want the same things we do, and feel the same way about it....and then get upset and angry if they don't get it right away.

I think both men and women need to try and understand the other gender's point of view, not take it all so personally, and do his/her best to explain one's own position without accusations or anger. That is the only way any kind of productive communication can even begin to occur. Avoidance is certainly not the answer, but neither is placing blame.

Men also have to take some responsibility for the fact that although it is understandable in our society why men close themselves off this way, that this closed-off behavior can be very damaging to a relationship.

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Live in a way that leaves no regrets.
Strive most to understand what you fear most.
To change our lives, we must first change our minds.

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posted: 01/25/06 at 7:55 AM
ynot  [more]
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While all this complex socializing stuff is certainly true- for example, any urologist will tell you that male responses to sexual disfunction often follow the same pattern- it may be a bit over the top for the OP. She wasn't clear about what the lack of communication was about, but at least some of the others seem to be complaining about guys who just walk away from a relationship without giving any hint as to why. Well, I admit to doing that in the past, and I was just being an a**hole. No deep insight required.

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The simple things you see are all complicated - I look pretty young, but I'm just back-dated, yeah Pete Townshend, Substitute
ynot_indeed@yahoo.com

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