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Lovingyou.com > Love Advice & Tips > Love Advice > difference between unconditional and conditional love?
difference between unconditional and conditional love? posted: 08/06/05 at 1:41 AM

charkatz0506  [more]
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I was talking about this with my boyfriend and he really confused me, and now I want to know if someone can help me understand this.

What exactly is unconditional love and what is conditional love?

My boyfriend says that he loves me unconditionally because to him it doesn't matter what I do, he will always be with me no matter what. Meaning, if I cheat on him or anything like that, it wont matter to him because he loves me so much and it would not make him break up with me.

He says that I love him conditionally because I told him that if he cheats on me I will break up with him. I told him that I can't be with someone who is like that. I mean there are just some things that I can't live with. But as for him I accept and love everything about him and as long as he doesn't start cheating or abusing me or anything like that then I will be with him forever.

I always thought that I loved him unconditionally...am I wrong to say i will not be with him if he cheats? Is that not unconditional love?

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Distance makes the heart grow fonder
I Love you Michael!

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posted: 08/06/05 at 2:27 AM

Mad*Hatter  [more]
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Just because you love someone, doesn't mean that you should take abuse from them --that isn't "conditional love"... it's being smart! At that, you can love someone, no matter what they do... but that doesn't mean you have to be in a relationship with them.

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"Long after we're gone, love remains, burned into our memories. We all search for love. But some of us --after we've found it --wish we hadn't."

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posted: 08/06/05 at 2:29 AM
XY_XY  [more]
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I don't believe that if you cut off all sex with him and you started bonking any guy you ran into in the bar that he would still love you.

Maybe he has trouble in envisioning that kind of reality. I dunno.

Two explanations come to mind:
- he is so much in the infatuation phase that he is not thinking right
- he wants to have an "open relationship" at some time in future and so he is trying out the sex with other people angle on you to see how you would feel

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posted: 08/06/05 at 3:09 AM

caliman73  [more]
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Unconditional love is an ideal that people are inspired to. The closest thing to it is a healthy relationship between a parent and their child. That does not mean that you are not frustrated or angry with them, but that the underlying connection is love and desire for their well being.

I have said this before. Love is a choice and a feeling. I think your bf is confusing the two. You may love your boyfriend unconditionally and still not be able to be around him if he hurts you. Unconditional love does not mean that their are no consequences for betrayal of trust.

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"Anyone caught saying 'Irregardless,' 'All of the sudden,' or 'A whole nother,' shall report to a work camp!" - Stewie Griffin

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posted: 08/06/05 at 3:09 AM

PsychoBarbie  [more]
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Girl, your boyfriend (and I mean this in the nicest possible way because I like you) is a complete knobhead.



BUT! You guys love each other and are happy so I'll give you my opinion.

I also had my own wrestling thoughts about unconditional love recently. I told my bf I loved him unconditionally, and felt he did NOT because of his feelings about my supposed "lack of motivation" in life.

BUT!

Here's the trick.

"Unconditional love" DOES NOT APPLY WHEN IT DAMAGES YOU, the MOST IMPORTANT person in your life. You ARE the most important person in your life! So you can love someone freely and to your hearts as long as YOU aren't damaged by that love.

Loving someone with a drug problem = unconditional

Loving someone who has mental/family problems = unconditional

Loving someone despite all obstacles/barriers/distance/bad character traits = unconditional

Loving someone that hits you = STUPID

Loving someone that tears away at your self-esteem = STUPID

Loving someone that says he loves you and then PURPOSELY HURTS YOU by sleeping/involving himself with someone else = STUPID

There are many other examples.

Do you see the difference? You can unconditionally love someone as long as they don't turn you into a rotting shell of your former self. Besides, IF they would do any of those things......then it OBVIOUSLY isn't REAL unconditional love, now is it.

Saying something and proving it through actions are two completely different things.

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**Beauty pageants discriminate against ugly people**

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posted: 08/06/05 at 3:47 AM

Engeltje  [more]
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I'm sure there are people that can forgive someone cheating on them, I could too but there are a lot of other things that would stop my love for my bf (fe if he got violent, slept around with every girl in town, was abusive, ...)
I'm sure there are some scenarios where even your bf would stop loving you, no love is totally unconditional

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~*Why are you trying so hard to fit in when you were born to stand out?*~

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posted: 08/06/05 at 3:48 AM

Pusser  [more]
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Your boyfriend knows just enough about love to be scary. It's too bad he's using this to hurt you a bit.

Barbie's on the right track. Here's the kicker:

Unconditional love means the love is not based on particular behavior. BUT THAT DOES NOT MEAN ONE WOULD IGNOR BAD BEHAVIOR. You might continue to love him despite his cheating, and you might forgive him, but that does not mean your love would force you to accept it and continue to live with him.

The conditional/unconditional part is talking about LOVE, not the circumstances in which you would continue to live together. A parent loves a child unconditionally, but the parent might force the child out of the house, to grow up and establish his/her adult life....but that doesn't mean the parent loves the child less.

Unconditional love does not mean you would continue to share his bed if he's sharing it with other women. You might still love him, though, despite his flaws. Just not want to live with those flaws anymore.

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posted: 08/06/05 at 8:30 AM

zoeyangel67  [more]
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To me, conditional loves means saying I love you BUT....
it means you love someone but ask them to change...it has nothing to do with cheating...it has everything to do not like ALL of them as a person...

Unconditional love is when someone loves you in spite of your shortcomings...

Cheating is neither here nor there...not cheating on someone is respect...nothing to do with conditional or uncondtional love...

And I have to say...that when it comes to your b/f and his ideas of cheating...I would have left a long time ago...sorry...

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