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Lovingyou.com > Love Advice & Tips > Ask A Male > why does she flirt with other guys right in front of me...?
why does she flirt with other guys right in front of me...? posted: 03/22/05 at 8:31 AM
An0nym0us  [more]
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ive been going out with this girl for a month a few days now. were 16 and we both go to high school. we both love one another very badly, or atleast i do. she is my first gf, and i think im her second.

however, she is doing something that is really hurting my feelings. i go hang out with her and her friends and now they've sort of become my friends, but right in front of my eyes she flrits with other guys, especially this one guy. i mean, doesn't she realize i'm their? if we're alone, usually we'll flirt and mess around, but i mean, come on? i love her so much, and she is a smart girl, but how can she not realize how much it kills me when she does this? and the type of flirting they do it like push or hit one another. is she like expecting me to come in and do something? i dont understand.

also, i want to avoid talking about this for at least a week or so because just last night i brought something else up that was bothering me. i wouldnt feel right to bring up so many things at the same time.

this is really hurting my feelings to the point where i think she is basically ashamed of me, so she flirts with other guys. i asked one of my friends (also her friend) and she said that shes just a natural flirter, but i dont think that means she can flirt with every guy. i probably wouldnt even care, but she does it with so many guys and while im their!

and please, dont say that shes trying to make me jealous. i highly doubt she is.

Last edited by An0nym0us on 03/22/05 at 1:42 PM

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posted: 03/22/05 at 8:43 AM

shannon31  [more]
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well man I hate to say it, but I was dating a woman recently. I'm 31, she was 40 and she did the same thing. With her she liked the attention from anyone she could get it from, but believe me, if she really cared about me enough, she wouldn't do it. We are no longer together and I do miss her, but like you, it just bothered me to much.

So why does she do it? I'd have to say that either she just likes the attention from as many guys as she can find or maybe she isn't as serious about the relationship as you think. I know that hurts, and I'm still hurting from breaking up with my girl. But you know I believe that if they really cared about us, they wouldn't do that. I could be wrong, but I don't think so. Try talking to her about it, see what she says. What you just said though, sounds exactly like me and my ex and truthfully I just don't think it was right for her to do that, so we split up.

Now maybe yours cared more for you than mine did, maybe mine did care about me, she said she did, but not enough to stop her from flirting with every man that walked past. and it caused me more pain than what it should've. The best thing I know to say is to talk to her, let her know it bothers you and if she really cares, I mean really really loves you. she won't do it. like I said, i know it's tough, but you will make it, just hang in there.

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I'm a guy (shannon), not a girl (shannon)

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posted: 03/22/05 at 8:55 PM
HuggieB  [more]
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I agree with Shannon. I had dated a woman with the same experience. I didn't mind the flirting but it was to the extent of how far the flirting would go.

Plus it was starting problems where she would get mad casue now the guys were trying to pick her up.. Well duh, what do you aspect when you are flirting to that extent.

But since you are still young (16) I wouldnt get too stressed but definitely try to explain to her you don't like it. Hopefully she will try and be more considerate with you or at the least try it back on her as an example for her to get the idea of what it feels like.

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I'm a high schooler 2, so maybe i can help... posted: 03/23/05 at 7:31 AM

guatrotcnena  [more]
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Well i'm a girl, and i'm also in high school. The reason i think she's flirting is because she might not feel confident about herself. Some girls flirt with many guys just to get attention and feel that they are wanted, and that guys do find them attractive. I know girls who have been raped, and later they flirt to the extent of sex simply because they feel insecure. I know this one girl who I recently just heard got raped, and she's going out with a close friend of mine. This girl flirts, and i mean flirts, with any guy that crosses her path. She was completely over her best friend's boyfriend. It bothers my friend a lot too because he really cares about her and he had to persue her for a long time before she finally went out with him. She still flirts. Try and find out if she has anything wrong with her, maybe she does this for the attention and because it makes her feel more attractive. And maybe she does this just to make sure you care for her, to see what you'll do; to see if you'll get angry. I know i flirt sometimes to make sure i'm attractive (which I am ). If you need to talk just im me or send me an e-mail, after all im probably the only other high schooler here. lol

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chapinita

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posted: 03/23/05 at 11:48 AM
Belial  [more]
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Well, reading that sounded like I'd written it myself 2 years ago. I'm 18 now, but I remember the first few months after I got together with my current gf (also my first).

She didn't flirt per se, but she did have male friends, and was, as you say, physical with. It really got to me for ages. But you have to remember, didn't she pick you? Its pretty obvious she prefers you. As they say, you win.

guatrotcnena is quite right (as she would be, yno, being a girl n all...) that she may just be doing it to feel good about herself. I know I flirt a bit with my female friends, but its more to make me feel more secure about myself. It can backfire though, so keep an eye on it.

A suggestion. To let her know you don't like what she's doing, show the guy she's flirting with that she's 'yours' (I'd get hit if I said that...), and let her know you care - next time you see her doing it, come up behind her and put your arms around her. Its the classic highschool embrace. They'll stop. Girls are quicker on the uptake than guys are. She'll notice what you're doing.

The thing you have to keep in mind is you're just young. Although I'm still in my first relationship with a girl who isn't, I would think its pretty typical. You're just getting your feet wet. I know two years down the track and I've only recently got over it. Its painful, but when you have time alone and she's all yours, the feeling is so much richer.

Good luck, and never give up! My first few months were exactly as you describe, and I'm still in the happiest relationship with my best friend!

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Lay me down in this cold, cold ground; Where afore, many men have gone. When they come, I'll stand my ground. Stand my ground... Stand my ground. Once a year, say a prayer for me. Close your eyes, and remember me.

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