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Lovingyou.com > Relationship Support > Multicultural Romance > Loving an Indian man
Loving an Indian man Smile posted: 11/24/04 at 8:48 AM
americanlady  [more]
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I'm a white woman in the US. I would like to know of any ladies experiences of loving an Indian man. How are they different in your opinion from white men?
I've been talking to an indian man for about 3-4 months thru the net. We talk just about daily. He sounds so sweet, hes well educated and hes planning on coming over here in Feb or March. Any experiences with Indian men? Thanks a bunch.....

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posted: 11/24/04 at 10:30 AM

sweetie-pai  [more]
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Hi americanlady and welcome!I'm also a caucasian/American woman.I met my Indian boyfriend online 4 yrs ago and we've been a couple for 3 and 1/2 of those yrs.I'm not quite sure what you want to know or even what I could tell you,because of course Indian men are just as individualistic from one man to another,just like with guys of any race.You just have to take him as he is.I do know that most,not all,but most,are very family oriented and that choices they make are more selfless than here.I'm not saying we're a selfish people,but here the motto I hear most often is to make yourself happy, because you can't please everyone and if family and friends love you enough, they will be happy for you,but that doesn't seem to be the case there.I have seen my boyfriend make countless sacrifices just so he doesn't upset others,whether it be me, his family,or friends,ubt it's not always so simple, because it's true that you can't always please everyone.If you have any specific questions,just ask and feel free to pm me anytime.I'm kind of curious to read others' replies,too.Take care!

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It matter where I lay my head tonight,your arms feel like home~3 Doors Down

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posted: 11/24/04 at 1:55 PM

mirchi29  [more]
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Well americanlady,
I didn't meet my man on the internet, but I met him at my workplace. What sweetiepie said about indian men being family oriented is very right in my book. My sweetie is taking care of his mother, father and 23yr old brother who is about to get married. I kind of joke with him because now he will have 4 mouths to feed instead of just 3. Anyway, my man loves his home country (he hasn't been home in 9 years) and he always talks about how good and fun it was back home. He works very hard and his family is his number one concern. I just thought I would put in my two cents. I don't know how much help I have been but I love to hear from people who are in situations similar to mine!
Mirchi

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advantages of an Indian man posted: 11/25/04 at 3:25 AM
americanlady  [more]
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Thank you for your comments. He does seem to be old fashioned in values which I like. He has a Master and a Bachelor degree in Software and Computer Management. I have 2 kids from my first marriage and he always asks how my kids are doing. He even asks how my parents are doing as well. I started hearing remarks from negative people saying that he probably only wants to be with me so he can be an american citizen. I asked him about that and he said he has a good job in India and is making good money and he said the ONLY reason he would come to America is cause of me. He said if it didnt work out then he would go back home. Someone mentioned to me last night about wife burning that they do in India. I looked it up on the net and it talked about how that was performed years ago. I think some people have a negative image of Indians for some reason. I have kept my eyes wide open for any signs of red flags or dishonesty. I have also done alot of praying to God if this isnt the right man for me then please show me. But I'm not getting anything but positive feelings about it. I told him the other day that the holidays here are starting and to me it was kind of depressing cause he wasnt here and he said don't worry I will be there next year to share it with you. He just seems to be so giving and if I get stressed or anything he just tells me to be cool he will be here shortly. Hes planning on coming here in February. I'm nervous and excited at the same time!! How I found my sweetie is I was watching one of the news channels and they were showing all of these Indian men and women in their 20's and the men were so serious about work and education. These men were ambitious, smart, responsible and of course handsome. So I thought their must be an Indian dating site. I found it and I think within 2-3 days of putting up my profile he messaged me. Sometimes I think it was fate for me to watch that or something. I know all Indian men are different but how do they really treat their women? Are they affectionate, protective of their women? What about as lovers? Plus, if any ladies know of any websites that would help me to learn about his culture, history, food please let me know. Are Indian men judgemental if a woman isnt a 10 on the beauty scale? He has seen me in pics and vice versa. Any comments or advice would be helpful. Thank u ladies in advance.
Take care, Tina

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posted: 11/25/04 at 8:35 AM

sweetie-pai  [more]
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Hey Tina,I agree that there is a negative image and a lot of prejudice surrounding them and you know what they say,people only hate what they fear and are uneducated about and don't understand.

I can't even begin to imagine right now how many times I have been approached by someone with really unbelievable stories or of people asking me if I'm afraid he's a terrorist and of course people telling me to be careful he isn't after my "money" or citizenship here.

As for the stories and the dumb questions,I talk to him,because he is very open with me and has always told me he will tell me anything I want to know and usually wants to know where people come up with these things,because he will tell me they are untrue and that I shouldn't listen to everyone.As for him being a terrorist,it's the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard and the thought never crossed my mind,and as far as him being after my money,I'm broke and he has lent me money that he hasn't let me repay in over 2 yrs.I know he's not after U.S. citizenship, either,because from the start of our relationship, he always told me he would never live here,because he didn't like things here, even though he has a student visa and has been working on getting his masters here.He only has since changed his mind that he would stay here for me and because he feels he can give us a better life here,only in the last few mos.

I have no reason to doubt his motives and it doesn't sound like you do with your guy,either.

My guy is a lot like mirchi's as far as he is taking on a lot of responsibility and taking care of his parents and sister,as well.

That's an interesting story how you met your guy and I agree they are all those things.

I can tell you how my guy treats me.He is very affectionate and protective and has always been loving,caring,very understanding,thoughtful, respectful,very responsible,and giving. He's never called me out of name,like a lot of guys in my past,and in fact, never even calls me by my first name,unless I really make him mad,which is almost impossible and even then he can't stay mad at me.He always calls me with affectionate terms and is always making sure I am ok and taking care of myself.
As a lover,hmm,he's very unselfish,very gentle,and knows exactly how to touch me and I love the fact that he believes in monogamy and not in divorce.

I even took him by surprise 2 days back.He's Hindu,and from all he sources I have seen appx 80% of India is give or take.Well,he knows I have a huge fear of prayer and religion so,he doesn't force it on me,but he was pleasantly surprised when I told him that I was thinking of practicing, even though I read somewhere that you can't convert and must be born into it to be accepted, which is understandable by the caste system and all and that if we ever had children,I wanted them to follow it,too.I could tell he wasn't even going to push that on me,either and when he asked me if I meant that I would like for our kids to practice and I said yes,he just said he loved me.

As far as being judgemental of appearance, I haven't come across any that have been that way with me.In fact,I met another really respectful Indian guy online who asked me if I was happy in my relationship,because if not,he would like to ask me out on a date and at least 2 more who voiced their interest in me and I wouldn't rate myself anywhere near a 10.I am always surprised at how easily approachable they seem to be.I feel so comfortable talking to Indian men,even when I find them so hot and successful,they seem to be so humble and respectful.
My boyfriend scored a perfect 4.0 the one semester of college and I was ready to celebrate and he just told me he was just avg and could have done better work.

I'll have to go through my list of websites that I have saved in my favorite folders and see which I think are informative and give you,but some things do vary from region to region.May I ask what part of India your guy is from and what religion he practices,if any?

Take care!

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It matter where I lay my head tonight,your arms feel like home~3 Doors Down

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posted: 11/25/04 at 10:40 AM
americanlady  [more]
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I know its the Hindu religion and I believe he lives in Mumbai. He was raised in boarding schools, him and his sister. Basically, he loves his parents but he isnt really close to them. Cause I had heard about arranged marriages and he said that his parents weren't like that. They were disappoined that he didnt become a doctor or pursue the boxing. (he used to box). He decided on the software industry cause he said thats what interested him. He says his mom and his sister asks about me and they know what me and my kids look like as well. He has our pics on his computer desktop he says. I think if things do work out it will be my folks who are the problem not his family. My dad has already made some remarks. But I'm a grown woman and I will decide whats best for my kids and me. I think because he was raised in boarding schools that has made him more independent instead of worrying about what his folks think. I just think for anyone to go thru the trouble to get a VISA, and the costs of all that, then dealing with the cost of plane tickets and flying for 16 hours, they must really care about the one their seeing. To fly to another continent and to completely start over has to be scary but he has told me he will take care of it.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

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posted: 11/25/04 at 1:30 PM

mirchi29  [more]
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In my experience I have found that Indian men (mine anyway) are VERY protective of their women. My man is muslim so this may be part of it, but he is very protective over his sister and his aunt. He is also protective over me. As far as the attractive scale goes, I think they are like most normal men. You don't have to be a 10, you just have to be attractive to them. If you two have seen pictures of each other then I wouldn't worry about anything. If you would like a website, visit www.darshani.com this site is by an american woman married to an Indian Hindu man. It tells a little about their story and about natural Hindu living. It's pretty neat. Anyway, hope it helps
Mirchi

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Smile posted: 11/30/04 at 7:48 AM
americanlady  [more]
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I did go to that website. They have an adorable baby! My sweetie is planning on coming here in February. I'm very nervous but excited at the same time. Did any of your men from India have problems with getting a VISA? This gentleman who is going to help him said it normally takes 30-45 days. Hes going to apply the first of Jan. Did any of your men have problems with getting any Visa? Any advice i can tell him would be helpful.

Thanks a bunch..........

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posted: 11/30/04 at 12:15 PM

sweetie-pai  [more]
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I was checking out the website,too.I haven't had time to go through the the sites I have listed in my faves,because I haven't been home.

My boyfriend didn't have any trouble getting his visa and I know he was surprised,because they denied every one before him the last day of his interview.He came here on a student visa.All I know is that your guy should be prepared and have documentation for everything and proof that he can support himself here.

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It matter where I lay my head tonight,your arms feel like home~3 Doors Down

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posted: 11/30/04 at 8:50 PM
lostnscared  [more]
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You know I am a born Canadian but I am of Indian descent, the only thing I can say is I hope your guy doesn't underestimate the difficulties that can arise from Indians straying away from their own kind.

I think in general Indian guys are interested in interracial dating because its so forbidden in the culture, I myself have been dating a caucasion girl now for almost 2 years. The amount of complications we have with my parents is ridiculous, they don't like it, and they will do whatever it takes to break us up.

I am not saying anything bad about you at all, but Indians are very egotistical and very narrow minded, not all of them are like that but those from older generations tend to be, they don't like outside dating, they hate divorces, they hate remarrying, etc, all of this is considered shameful, its a stupid system and it pisses me off everyday, because all I ever wanted was to be happy with my girlfriend, but now with so much discontent, it seems inevitable that we will separate.

I was so energized and full of courage and was determined to make our relationship work, but now I am just angry all the time, because of it, because had everyone just been okay with it, we would be the perfect couple. Your mileage will vary maybe the Indians related to him are cool with everything, and I would be very jealous, cuz I wish I had that, but I wouldn't want to live in India, there is too much conflict there sometimes over family values, etc, that an interracial couple might face extreme hositility.

Good Luck.

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